Szilvia's Blog

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Your thoughts...?

05 August 2012

Posted by Szilvia

I'm reading through the debate of "repressed memories" with regard to child sexual abuse. I remember some things, but not all. I can feel myself blocking the memories.

What is your take on repressed memories? Please, I need input for my own peace of mind.

Thanks. Take care.
Ciao...xo,
Szil

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A tribute

29 July 2012

Posted by Szilvia

My lovely, little dog died of cancer.

I have a soft spot in my heart for all animals. They have done nothing to deserve pain and/or punishment. Their only aim is to survive and no one can fault them for that.

Pepi was special to me and my family. Even though he was taken to Vet regularly, nothing was ever suspected. We could tell he had pain in...

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Heartbroken...

28 July 2012

Posted by Szilvia

I'm not sure exactly when or how, but my grandmother informed me that my dog died. My parents ought to be the ones relaying this information, but they have chosen not to. We haven't spoken in over a month. They don't believe in me and refuse to accept that they were in some way to blame for my abuse. And now this... How could they be...

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What to do?

16 July 2012

Posted by Szilvia

I can't cope today. I feel overwhelmed with life...with everything. In moments like this I don't know what to do with myself. I find nothing makes me feel better for more than a moment or two. A moment doesn't last very long. It passes so quickly. I feel like I'm going mad. I want to crawl out of my skin...out of my body. I...

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My body deceives me

11 July 2012

Posted by Szilvia

[font="Times New Roman, serif"][size="3"]Iguess it's painfully obvious sometimes that my body deceives me. Iawoke to something around 3am. Thereafter, I was tossing and turning.My husband noticed. Shortly after his morning shower he came to cuddle andfondle me as he sometimes does in his soft, delicate manner. He knows...

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Just a child

26 February 2012

Posted by Szilvia

I spent the last 4 hours talking, crying and then...sobbing uncontrollably. My poor boyfriend just sat there listening and then he held me. I let him hold me for a bit and then I just felt ridiculous.

I know more than one man molested and raped me consistently as a child, but most often the image that pops up is my father's face. Obviously...

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Sex

21 February 2012

Posted by Szilvia

I wish there was someone I could really sit and talk to about my sex life. It seems I can only reach "O" when I imagine other things. I can't genuinely enjoy the moment. Oh dear... who do I direct this to?

Ok...I'm just extremely frustrated overall...

You don't know me. I don't know you.

=(

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The Perp

06 February 2012

Posted by Szilvia in Perpetrator

Last night, I saw one of my perps vividly in a bad dream. He wasn't alone. I could see his face clearly for a fleeting moment. Whenever I try to recall the details, I can see and feel myself blocking the images.

I'm left feeling very tense and unsettled. I didn't cry this time. My sleep cycles continue to be restless. I wake up...

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