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Szilvia's Blog



Posted by Szilvia , 24 May 2013 · 100 views

I find it very difficult to empathize. There is a BIG difference between molestation and rape/penetration. Like most things in life, there is rarely cases that are black and white. Most things are gray. Molestation is gray. Rape/penetration is a dark gray. It is worse. The outcome may be the same on an emotional level; however physically it is entirely di...


Psychosomatic Response

Posted by Szilvia , 21 May 2013 · 138 views

The more I uncover, the more I feel physically ill. I can't turn back now, but how much can a person reexperience of past happenings? The mind is a powerful thing. Where does it end? When do I know that I've hit rock bottom?


Your thoughts...?

Posted by Szilvia , 05 August 2012 · 134 views

I'm reading through the debate of "repressed memories" with regard to child sexual abuse. I remember some things, but not all. I can feel myself blocking the memories.

What is your take on repressed memories? Please, I need input for my own peace of mind.

Thanks. Take care.


A tribute

Posted by Szilvia , 29 July 2012 · 115 views

My lovely, little dog died of cancer.

I have a soft spot in my heart for all animals. They have done nothing to deserve pain and/or punishment. Their only aim is to survive and no one can fault them for that.

Pepi was special to me and my family. Even though he was taken to Vet regularly, nothing was ever suspected. We could tell he had pain in his leg...



Posted by Szilvia , 28 July 2012 · 128 views

I'm not sure exactly when or how, but my grandmother informed me that my dog died. My parents ought to be the ones relaying this information, but they have chosen not to. We haven't spoken in over a month. They don't believe in me and refuse to accept that they were in some way to blame for my abuse. And now this... How could they be so stubbo...


What to do?

Posted by Szilvia , 16 July 2012 · 78 views

I can't cope today. I feel overwhelmed with life...with everything. In moments like this I don't know what to do with myself. I find nothing makes me feel better for more than a moment or two. A moment doesn't last very long. It passes so quickly. I feel like I'm going mad. I want to crawl out of my skin...out of my body. I don't know...


My body deceives me

Posted by Szilvia , 11 July 2012 · 94 views

Iguess it's painfully obvious sometimes that my body deceives me. Iawoke to something around 3am. Thereafter, I was tossing and turning.My husband noticed. Shortly after his morning shower he came to cuddle andfondle me as he sometimes does in his soft, delicate manner. He knows I'm not an eager morning sex person. It feels nice, butI tune it out....


Just a child

Posted by Szilvia , 26 February 2012 · 74 views

I spent the last 4 hours talking, crying and then...sobbing uncontrollably. My poor boyfriend just sat there listening and then he held me. I let him hold me for a bit and then I just felt ridiculous.

I know more than one man molested and raped me consistently as a child, but most often the image that pops up is my father's face. Obviously it's...



Posted by Szilvia , 21 February 2012 · 66 views

I wish there was someone I could really sit and talk to about my sex life. It seems I can only reach "O" when I imagine other things. I can't genuinely enjoy the moment. Oh dear... who do I direct this to?

Ok...I'm just extremely frustrated overall...

You don't know me. I don't know you.



The Perp

Posted by Szilvia , in Perpetrator 06 February 2012 · 53 views

Last night, I saw one of my perps vividly in a bad dream. He wasn't alone. I could see his face clearly for a fleeting moment. Whenever I try to recall the details, I can see and feel myself blocking the images.

I'm left feeling very tense and unsettled. I didn't cry this time. My sleep cycles continue to be restless. I wake up feeling tired...

August 2015

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