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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
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So, today was long, and hard for me. I talked to my rapist today, and all hell broke loose. He said things I know shouldn't have affected me, but they did. I know what he did to me wasn't my fault, but the way I let him treat me was. Anyways, so much happened with him over the course of today that I have completely lost it. I've been inside this house for too long, and I just don't know what's happening to me anymore. I went to cook some rice on the stove, and turned the wrong burner on, and almost shattered a plate by placing it on the hot burner. Then (this is sad) I totally walked out of the bathroom without buttoning OR zipping my jeans! Worst of all, I finally caved and SI'd myself for the first time in a couple of weeks. But it helped, in some twisted way. I just hope I can sleep good tonight without any nightmares, and get out of the house tomorrow. Having people to talk to on here would help too...I know everyone has their own issues but....yeah...
Sidenote-I know I blog a lot, but that's only because I have so much on my mind, and living at home with my parents making coping with this even harder.
Finally- I contacted my therapist, and told her I had something important to tell her, so I might try to go back to campus and see her next week. I'm super nervous, and not even sure if I can make it back there...but it'll be worth it...right? :/
Sidenote-I know I blog a lot, but that's only because I have so much on my mind, and living at home with my parents making coping with this even harder.
Finally- I contacted my therapist, and told her I had something important to tell her, so I might try to go back to campus and see her next week. I'm super nervous, and not even sure if I can make it back there...but it'll be worth it...right? :/
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I think talking with your T is a good idea, even if you aren't sure what to talk about. It just helps to have that outlet, in my experience. I'm sorry you had such a shitty day - I hate those days when it seems like everything that could go wrong does go wrong, and it all happens at once! Talking with your rapist is always going to be hard - I'm sorry you had to do that and that he said hurtful things to you.
Contrary to what you said, I don't think you are to blame for how he treated you. He's an adult who can make his own decisions - he chose to treat you however he did. It wasn't a case of "letting" him do anything. Nobody could make decisions for him but HIM - the responsibility for that lies only with him.
Take gentle care,
Kate