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Innapropriate comment by neighbor (Might Trigger)

Posted by DTC40 , 13 February 2014 · 163 views

My crazy ass neighbor came over and just sat down while I was outside smoking a cig and sipping coffee.  This idiot leaned over and said to me if he was my son who is 21 years old that he would still be breast feeding.  Then the idiot insinuated that since my son was 21 years old and living at home that myself and my son must be having an thing going on.  Then said my son should be out of my house and married with three children right now.  I was so angry and shocked I just sat there and stared at the idiot.
First why the hell is it wrong not to throw your kids out on the street at 18 and yell get married and have kids.  Why the hell do people go straight to the thought that if you have a son over 18 still living at home that it is the mother making them stay or the relationship is innapropriate at any level.  My son is grown he can move out anytime he wants, I do not keep him here.
I came inside and mentioned what this idiot said and my son did nothing about it.  I am not sure if I am right in expecting him to get up and say something to the idiot.  Now I am angry at my son for not standing up and putting this man in his place.  My emotions are so confused.  I do not want my son staying at home because he feels that he should be there for me and his sisters, yet I do not feel as a parent I should  kick him out of my home.  He is a quiet young man who works comes home, takes part time college courses.  That is what his life consist of.  Do I make him go out and get under the burden of rent and bills just because he turns a certain age?
How can anyone jump to the place in there head that since my son is grown and still living at home that we would having a "relationship" other than mother and son.  I have never done anything anywhere at home or in public that could ever be seen as a relationship other than mother and son.  
I wonder if someone would say anything about my son still living at home if I were still married.  Is it because I am a single mother?  I did not tell their father to leave he is the one who walked out.  So since my ex husband left 20 years into the marriage am I to drop the values that we always believed in with our kids, which was to allow them to live at home as long as they were working or going to college if they were single.  If he was married it would be different, or if he was just a kid laying around, getting into trouble and just being a bum.  Even in that circumstance is it anyone's business who lives in my home and how long.
This has turned into rambling.  I am just so upset, I know what real abuse is and what it is like to live with a parent who sexually abused me.  I can assure you that at 21 with a job if I was abusing my son he would get the hell out.  I left the state I was born in the moment I turned 18 to get away from the abuse.  Generally kids who are being abused who have the resources to leave do so.

I can see your frustration! By the scream. And it's justified, but perhaps your son does not feel the need to confront your nosey neighbor because it does not hit a nerve with him as much as it does with you, maybe? Also, it's none of their business so why engage. But it did bring up valid things for you to discuss with your son, just to show him you care about how he feels about his living situation, so that could be a conversation to have sometime, to make sure he is ok and happy. You are a good mom for being sensitive to his needs. Families are supposed to support and care for one another, there is nothing weird about that. Your neighbor sounds like a pervert.
Feb 13 2014 07:31 AM

I'm with Lua - your neighbour sounds like a pervert. And a huge moron too.


I think it wonderful that your son has the security of a loving mum and home and he feels comfortable there. I wish I'd had that at his age! I was booted out age 17....not good!


My own son is 23 this year and he's getting married in June, but if he were ever to need to come home, he knows he'd be welcome anytime he needed me or a place to be.


Just because they are technically adults past the age of 18, it doesnt make them any less our kids.

Feb 13 2014 08:11 AM
I agree with Lua. and suesign. Your neighbor sounds like a perv and should be monitored. I knew a boy (that's what he was when I knew him) that would talk like that to me. I learned recently, that he's in prison for ( :trigger: ) inappropriate contact with a child. My point is, that maybe you should look and see if your neighbor is um registered.

That is excellent advice blondie. Also thank you all for your support and advice.


Lua, I will talk to my son and see how he is feeling about the living situation.  I have mentioned a couple of times that he might want an apartment of his own when he feels ready instead of living with me and three teenage sisters.  However, I do not want to push him out the door just because of his age.


Sue: I agree with no just pushing a kid out because they are of legal age at 18.  I was on my own at 16 so I understand trying to make it out in life without support. With the economy the way it is, I am not sure how a college student is suppose to make it anymore without going into debt big time.  I do not want any of my kids to go through that if they do not have to.


As far as the creep next door.  I did go to the office today and spoke with management and they said they would take care of it, they did not want tenants to ever confront each other if it can be helped that is why they have security and if I had anymore issues with him to let them know immediately.  I hope that he does not retaliate in anyway.  I can not take the stress of that, the things he says are very triggering for me.


Thank you all again for reading, commenting and your support and concern.

Feb 13 2014 01:53 PM
You're welcome. Btw, some teens don't finish high school right at 17 or 18. Because of my learning disability, I didn't graduate until i was 19 because I was held back in 1st grade.

I would deem what this being said to you as verbal and emotional abuse.  It was so totally inappropriate on his part.  It is also none of his business.  He is nothing to you.


My home is also my children's home wherever I am is their home to visit or live as adults should the need arise.  The economy for the last 10 years has changed the family living dynamics.


My daughter is 24.  She works part time and helps me out as I am disabled now.  Her boyfriend is also living with me who does not work and other things.  I would like to kick him in the ass and out but in doing so my daughter would go as well and her goal of going back to College would be delayed even more if not forever.


My 26 year old son lives with his father and his wife.  My son has some disabilities as well.


There are many scenarios to why certain people live with other people and it is not the neighbor's business unless their own property or self is being harmed.


I am lucky in that no one can get to my front door and yard unless a gate is unlocked and it stays locked most of the time.


I hope this being leaves you alone. 


I do have good news to report concerning this neighbor.  After going to management, when he came into the office to get coffee in the morning the owner was there and had been informed of the situation and had a talk with this neighbor.  He was told that he is to have no contact with me or my family except to say Hello in passing should he wish, and if there were any more complaints such as this he would be handcuffed and escorted from the property have to find another place to live.  Management told me to come inform them immediately should he harass me or my children in anyway. He has not even looked my way in passing.  I can not help but see him since his apartment is next to mine, so as long as he does not bother me or my kids I am okay.  


What is ironic is the owner has now hired my son to be a security guard here at the apartments. This is a gated community with around the clock armed security guards. However, you never know in a new place how management reacts to complaints or if they take them seriously.  I was amazed and very happy that they responded so quickly and took me seriously.  


At the last place we lived a tenant physically attacked me in the laundry room, I screamed and he backed up before anything serious could happen.  Even though what did happen was enough to send me into flash backs from hell.  My son called the police and I was told that since he did not actually rape me that there was nothing they could do.  Management did nothing and even told me that I was wrong to call the police.  So it was very refreshing to have someone fix an issue before it go to the point that it did in the last apartments I lived in.  I do not like the fact that some men think because you are not married or have a boyfriend then you are open season for them to date if you say No, they think that means they have the right to keep harassing you.  

This is good news.  Just wanted to tell you that I ran into the same thing as a single mother.  I hated being open season too.  No means no and they just push it.


Stay safe and take good care of you.

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