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Confused/friendship (non-triggering)

Posted by DTC40 , 02 August 2013 · 93 views

I have lived in Florida now for five months. I have had casual conversations through email with my friend that lives here. I know that she is uncomfortable with my Multiple Personality Disorder so I have tried to be respectful to her space and time. She asked me to keep her dog that had a broken leg while she was on vacation. I told her no problem and kept the dog for 8 days. This was no big deal, I love dogs and spent five years running a dog rescue and training program for injured and abused dogs.

I sent her an email last week asking her if we could get together for coffee one morning to talk. She answered sure that would be great, she stated she had her grand sons until Aug 8th when they would be leaving for a wedding (I will be taking care of her dog again while she is gone to the wedding). I emailed her back letting her know that I understood that she was busy, and that I would appreciate it if she was able to make the time. She emailed back that would be fine that she was sure that her husband could handle the boys for an hour. That was one week ago. I have heard nothing not even an email.

If she is too uncomfortable or too busy I would surely understand. The silence is killing me. For years even when I lived out of state we have always kept in contact through emails. The last email she sent me was she would email me and let me know if she had the time. I have heard nothing from her. I do not feel it is appropriate for me to email her as I do not want to put pressure on her.

I have a mental illness and keep to myself however it would be nice if I knew someone cared. If nothing else be respectful enough to say I do not have the time or just be honest and say I do not want to be alone with you because you have Multiple Personality Disorder. At least be honest do not ignore me like I am not worth an explanation.

Mental illness is not contagious. I know that most churches/not all, however the church she belongs to believes that Multiple Personality Disorder is really demonic possession. I have done research and learned this. I am not sure if she personally believes this. I wonder if she has not really had personal contact with me without out my kids there (my kids are 20 son and three teenage daughters) because she is scared of me.

Maybe she does not know what to do and does not want to hurt me by telling me the truth. I just wish she would be honest and then I would know where I stand. Another person who wants nothing to do with someone with mental illness. It would hurt me but at least I would know where I stand.

Confused, hurt and no idea what to do.

I feel for you.

The truth is that you don't know exactly what your friend thinks...

There are two possibilities that come to mind *from what you've said* ie only going on the info you've written, not actual knowledge.

First is that she is not a friend at all, she is happy to use you to look after her dog but actually is not seeing you as a person because of your Multiple Personality Disorder. I hope this is not true and you have given nothing to support that view in your post.

Second is that she has her grandsons to stay and that is absorbing all her time, because, whatever age they are, going from having no children to stay to having two to stay for a week is EXHAUSTING. In this case she may easily have not given the coffee another thought as she's just trying to get through the week and hasn't realised how tiring it is. She may feel less certain that her husband will cope.

My suggestion would be that you email again. Tell her it would mean a lot to you to meet for coffee before she goes away, suggest a few times that would suit you and say that you would really like to know if she can't meet after all as that would help you to make your plans this week.

Hope you get it sorted.

Thank you so much for your perspective. I did receive a phone call from her this morning. She asked if myself and my kids could meet her at a park with her grand kids and she said the kids could play and we could talk. Instead of meeting at the park we have gotten together with the kids at before where there were park benches and shops to get coffee and sit and still see the kids, she choose a park we had never been at before. It was nice right on the water. The benches were right beside the playground and she sat and spoke to my son about college, which is a great thing. She also talked with all the kids. I sat down on the bench next to her but the kids were too close to speak of anything. She never made a move to say do you want to take a walk around the park and talk or anything intending to have a conversation with me. The only thing she said to me was to complain that I smoked. She said that it was no fair that my son had to work to pay for food, cigarettes and food for our two small dogs. We brought these dogs with us because we have had them for years. It cost so little to take care of them.
She lives in a world where money is not an issue. She does not live on just a little over 24,000 a year for five people. Which I think is great I wish no ill will toward her for that. I think it is just hard for her to understand. She does not want me to get my license because she said I might alter and end up back in Kentucky somewhere. I moved to Florida to get away from an abusive 20 year marriage. My son who will be 21 in two months told her not to worry about that he thought that any of my alters going to Kentucky was doubtful. She has had contact several times with one of my alters and she mentioned this to my son and then stated I do not know anything about this woman.
Maybe it is me and I need some understanding on the situation. I am depressed enough about being what I see as a burden on my children. Half the time I feel my life is worth nothing. I was hoping for what I know I can not receive from her a positive statement, like I am proud of you. I do believe that she really did not want to talk to me, she is scared of my alters. I wish she would just say that instead of pretending like she wanted to talk to me and then put me in a situation where there was no way to talk and making remarks that make me feel worse then I already feel.
She was a smoker for years and I guess that is okay because she has money. If you are struggling I guess you do not have the right to smoke or have pets. My son's beagle is 15 years old and I was not going to leave his dog behind he has had since it was six weeks old. My oldest daughters dog is 9 years old and has seizures, that is the only two dogs we have. The seizure meds cost 4.00 a month and six month check up cost 25.00.
Maybe my kids would be better off without the cost of having me here. My son would receive my child support and alimony should something happen to me. I have bone cancer and the judge made it so the kids would be taken care of if I pass away before my youngest daughter is 18. My ex gave up his part of custody for our daughters to our son.
I have walked this path before. I guess I understand who would want anything to do with someone who has a mental illness.

February 2016

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