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Trying to remember. NEED advice. Please and Thanks :]

Posted by Aurora325 , 11 April 2012 · 37 views

Since I realized I was raped half a year ago one thing has really been bothering me. The fact that I can't remember what happened. When I was raped I was drunk and this all happened four years ago. Now I know that time might play a factor but I remember most of the SA that happened right around that time. I'm trying to figure out if it might be because I tried blocking it out for so long that I erased most of it or put up blocks on it that I can't seem to take down. But I hate the uncertainty of not knowing. Like maybe I changed the events in my mind so I could feel more at ease about giving up my virginity while drunk. Or maybe I did tell him to stop more then once. I have no idea. I barely remember anything. I was thinking maybe hypnosis would bring it out but honestly that is just cuz I have seen it used on tv. I have NO idea. Does anyone else know what can bring back a memory that refuses to surface. I have tried focusing on it and it doesn't seem to work. If anyone has personal or any kind of knowledge or experience PLEASE share. Thanks :]



just an idea...but if you weren't that drunk and don't usually experience black outs, is it possible your drink was spiked? i believe that can cause a black out which would prevent you from remembering it.

emdr helped me recover pieces of memories - but its primary function isn't for memory recall i don't think. don't know how reliable hypnosis is. it sucks but often you just have to wait until you're ready for the memories to surface on their own - or sometimes triggers will bring things up. do you have a therapist you can ask about this?
I'm sorry I can't offer much in the shape of advice on remembering but I just wanted to say that I'm struggling with exactly the same situation. I agree with pink that it could be due to a drink being spiked but this depends on how drunk you were, as she said. I have a T session next week and I'm considering talking to her about my problems remembering, so if she comes up with anything that I think will be helpful I will try to let you know as soon as I can.
I'm starting to think my drink was spiked before my second SA 1) because I wasn't that drunk but I can't remember hardly anything 2) because I can remember almost everything from my first SA which shows I didn't blackout during that one. But obviously this is just me putting together the pieces I have to try and make it all make sense. I'm probably doing 2+2 and getting 5. I'm so sorry you are struggling with this and just wanted to say that you have my support. I hope you find some answers.

BabyElphie x

just an idea...but if you weren't that drunk and don't usually experience black outs, is it possible your drink was spiked? i believe that can cause a black out which would prevent you from remembering it.emdr helped me recover pieces of memories - but its primary function isn't for memory recall i don't think. don't know how reliable hypnosis is. it sucks but often you just have to wait until you're ready for the memories to surface on their own - or sometimes triggers will bring things up. do you have a therapist you can ask about this?


I didn't black out and I'm pretty sure afterwards I remembered most of it but I tried for the next 4 years trying to forget it and acknowledge it never happened. Now that I do acknowledge it though I can't remember :/ I actually have a meeting with my T tmrw and I'm going to ask her if she has any ideas. And I'm sorry what is Emdr. Btw thmx for responding! :)
Thnx so much Elphie. I don't think it was spiked cuz at the time I think I remembered but honestly I can't recall if I remembered all of it or just bits. I actually have a T meeting tmrw and I'm going to ask her so if I find anything I'll let u know:) thnx u so much for the support.
That's ok Aurora. I can relate to the not knowing how much you remembered afterwards, like you said if your drink was spiked you probably wouldn't remember anything. I know the morning after my second SA I knew something bad had happened and that I felt really rough, but I couldn't really remember why I felt so horrible. I hadn't drank much, so it wasn't a hangover but I knew that he had done something I wasn't comfortable with, I remembered him getting too close ( don't want to be too detailed) but I didn't think it had gone any further because I couldn't remember. But afterwards I always felt like more had happened and I just couldn't put my finger on it. I'm so sorry I'm kinda using your blog to go round and round in circles about my own experiences, there's just so much I find it hard to be clear about. It's nice to have everyone at Pandy's to talk to :) Thank you for offering me any advice your T has. I hope your T meeting goes well. x
Btw I haven't had any direct experience but EMDR is explained pretty well on the site below (I hope the link works :rolleyes: )EMDR therapy

Btw I haven't had any direct experience but EMDR is explained pretty well on the site below (I hope the link works :rolleyes: )EMDR therapy




Hey Elphie I talked to my T and she told me the best way is to let your unconscious mind come to terms with it when u are ready and maybe there are parts that you just wont remember and that will be something that you can learn to hopefully come to peace with but know still that no matter what you where raped and that none of this was your fault.

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