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danusia007 and usspandora like this

For my Grandmother

30 August 2007
Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, PROFILE, REFLECTIONS
:candle:

August 31, 2007 12:15 AM

to be continued later today

She was only 46 when I was born

Her birthday was 4 days later, her 47th

We would celebrate our birthdays together

She had 2 sons and 4 daughters

She had an abusive husband

She loved to sing

Rocks of Ages was one of her favorites

She loved Lilies of the Valley

She had 4...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES housing, MY RAPIST, support
started May to July

her suicide note to me was slid under my door

shortly after we had talked in the hallway

it did not concern me much at the time

she called me in crisis a few weeks later

and by a twist of fate ...

we were both in a crisis center as roommates

she killed heself shortly after

I went inpatient within days of her death

my...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Death of a perp

29 August 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW
dad

3 days after I have spoken to the police

he died in the home

in front of Mom

the aunts are told by mom to tell me nothing

I am told by one of my Lawyers

a month later

he had contacted my nephew's group home

and is told by them

I phone both aunts

the one avoids my phone calls

the other one admits to it

I find his obit

by going...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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death of an aunt

29 August 2007
Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE, My Family SISTER, MY STORY
anni for sis 4 years


my tribunal is on the monday

she died the saturday

I phone my cousin

I send sympathy cards

that thursday

my uncle (p) is hospitalized


and nightmares about my cousins start

one worker makes an offensive comment

I spend the month chasing down paperwork

for my lawyer

I had spoken with this aunt

about the...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor
triggers for death and child porn


need more be said ?


May 2006 - May 2007

even my mom had little to say about him

he was involved in child porn

the crisis line said little

my workers said little

and I am able to say little

I have a lot of unexpressed feelings

about both his abuse and his death

he was friends with my mom's brother...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS
age 13 Grandfather died after I wrote about being multiple, after my drawings and poetry about being raped


referred to first counsellor for about a year

did some artwork about grandfather

age 20 death of a perp uncle already in...
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death of a worker

22 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS
to her gypsy soul

she was a rcc counsellor

we talked quite often on the line

she found a group for survivors

the group met for a while in my building

she knew my rapist


she died from cancer

she leaves behind several children

I am still at a loss of words about her

and it will be a year since her death


July 2006 - July 2007

Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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death of a worker

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend
a sacred fire burned for 4 days for her

I showed up for my drumming group

and was told she had died

I drummed for her that night

I returned for the service 3 days later

I gave in her name

I miss her

she had been a main support for me

for over 2 years

she had a way that you felt welcomed by her

she was part of my WWF circle

I will be...
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death of a worker

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in cancer and ptsd, career and COLLEGE, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Music, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY
she was a survivor of a residential school

she wrote a children's book about her experience

she was already terminally ill when I met her

she taught me about traditions from my heritage

her plans to help me ended when her cancer spread

she did introduce me to the staff at another centre

she encouraged my drumming


she was unable to...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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death of a friend

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Music
she lived in my building


I was able to buy a sympathy card for her children


I kept remembering her fave songs


I miss her in the community room

and at the annual bbq

her death brought up memories

of my friend's suicide

from 4 years earlier

and one worker

noted that

I had not finished

grieving my other friend

Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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sister's death

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in My Family SISTER
she did not survive

Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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death of a colleague

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in cancer and ptsd, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family SISTER
I spent her last summer

working with her in a community garden

she died from cancer

Her death brought up memories of my grandmother

I was able to write an eulogy for her

her illness bought up memories

of my grandmother who died when I was 7

the t of the day did not even document either event

she spent one session each with me about each...
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death of a classmate

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, MY RAPIST
graduation weekend


everyone from my class went to his furneral


there were rumours about the circumstances

around his death

the teachers behaved very stoic

I was shaking throughout his entire service


and later went to see my rapist

Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Death of a perp

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor
mom's dad

6 years pending


I had been told 6 years earlier

to expect him to die

Parents phoned bf

who then told me

Mom's health suffered

for months after

It was not mentioned

by her family doctor

during my complaint

against him


I did tell all of my supports

and then spent months

looking for a new "t"

cuz my...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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death of bf's dad

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in cancer and ptsd, career MY CAREER, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, support
I could not go to his funeral

I was flooding in abuse memories from ages 3 to 4 and age 8

and I was searching for stable counselling

bf starts affair with a co - worker

that he hid for over 2 years

a mutual friend told me

bf's dad :

was my emergency contact for work

was a reference on my resume

helped me out

with housing problems...
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Death of a perp

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, MY STORY, support
TRIGGER WARNINGS


this is still in progress

mom's oldest brother


special relationship with big brother


aunt's son left alone with him and that cousin is doing a lot of acting out

all my aunts were abused by him

why leave him alone with children ?

he had a say in my family

mom would often listen to him instead of Dad

two of his...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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