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danusia007 and usspandora like this
Posted by danusia007   in MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY RAPIST, support
Thanks to my pocket riders

I was in my Courage to Heal group. There were flashes of my stalker while in the group. I was really nervous and nauseaus.

I also had to go the legal drop-in clinic in the building where my stalker lives which was nerve wracking. I was able to eat after the meeting with the lawyer.

Tags: My stalker and assailant remains free

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Posted by danusia007   in MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
1) I missed my first Courage to Heal Group

while my stalker got to meet everyone in the group

and now knows who they are.

Are they at risk ?

The group no longers feel safe.

I no longer trust the group leader.

The agency no longer feels safe
and I have been going there for years

(my stalker knew that I attend this agency)

2) I...
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Tags: My stalker and assailant remains free

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Posted by danusia007   in MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, My Family SISTER
Actually. it takes a real coward to bully someone who has experienced a death.

The hang up calls have been really juvenile.

The false allegations are more than gossip,

A smokescreen to cloud and deceive

A distraction from my rapist's assaults

A cover for their own harassessment


they are a criminal offense if they were ever to...
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Tags: My stalker and assailant remains free

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My Stalker trigger Warnings

22 January 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, CLINICAL SERVICES housing, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, career and UNIVERSITY
My stalker first came into my life
at an agency that claimed
that they were helpng abused women
get on with their life
This agency later lost their funding
there was the usual donation room
for clothes
some computers
some food services where I volunteered
so did my stalker
a group for csa
where we were given
an overwhelming amount of reading...
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Tags: My stalker and assailant remains free

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Posted by danusia007   in career MY CAREER, career and COLLEGE, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor
My last year of work
the husband of my parent committee chair
was having an affair with another parent
Almost everyone knew except her
cuz they were having sex in their car
in the school parking lot
I was told by my supervisors to say nothing
I found it unsettling and triggering
Over the years since leaving work
I kept having these flashes about...
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Tags: mom perp and victim

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Survivor Someone Special

20 January 2007
Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE, REFLECTIONS, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend
Survivor

To celebrate your wondrous strengths
and spirit so divine


To believe in miracles
in this most cherished time

May simple hopes and graceful dreams
ride high on precious wings

This angel gently joins the chorus
For you it joyfully sings


Cherison Enterprises Inc
Pavilion Gift Company
Mindspring Studio
2005

Tags: tributes reflections

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Secondary Woundings ongoing

19 January 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES support, CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., career and COLLEGE, My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
My sister died and I gave a speech in public
I wanted support
and got secondary wounding instead
people in my groups
harassed me
in the community
and with hang up calls
and blocking my access to services
while I was in the shocked state afterwards
my T took extra money from me
her book keeping was questionable
cuz I discovered the difference...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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problems with internet

15 January 2007
Posted by danusia007   in MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend
one laptop that may be in need of repair problems with internet and other factors prevented me from accessing Pandy's I even tried logging on through a phone browser lol no Pandy's since Jan 7th

Tags: My stalker and assailant remains free

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Hanukkah Blessings

16 December 2006
Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE, My HEALING CIRCLE Virtual Parties, REFLECTIONS
May there be peace in your heart,
Friendship and joy in your home,
and light in the world around you


at Hanukkah and always



Posted Image Posted Image ...
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Tags: Friend she needs hope and help

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Electrical

03 December 2006
Posted by danusia007   in odds and ends, REFLECTIONS
change lightbulbs jokes

touching light bulbs

static on tape recorders


4 t's of therapy

trust erikson
talk
touch


trauma
tapes
tv

Tags: tributes reflections

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A Book for Sibling Abuse

26 November 2006
Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE my books
ISBN 0-669-25006-6
LCCCN 90-21845

Perilous Rivalry When Siblings become Abusive

CRIMES

Vernon R Wiehe Ph d University of Kentucky College of Social Work Lexington 1991


a google search of the title will provide resources

Tags: older brother perp and victim

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Posted by danusia007   in MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY RAPIST, My Family SISTER, CLINICAL SERVICES housing, career and UNIVERSITY, career and COLLEGE
I originally wrote this on my first Pandy birthday Oct 21 2006

My rapist was a survivor of CSA

My rapist wrote about rape in high school

I never did see that essay

I did get told that she was questioned
by her principal

My rapist was in my support group
It was a mixture of clients and counsellors

before the rapes

My rapist had visited my...
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Tags: My Rapist what was that look about ?

Icon 16 Comments

Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE
I was attending a program at college
I was volunteering at the women's center
There was an anti harassment campaign across the campus
I was postering around the campus and in my homeroom
I was giving class talks in my homeroom


The instructor and his assistant were both absent one morning
I had arrived late for homeroom
I sat down and waited...
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Tags: assaults at college

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Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, career and UNIVERSITY
One of the highest risk situations for sexual assault
(after the family) occurrs
when a woman is studying at college or university.

Even today I question how well trained
the counsellors(sp) are to assist women
when they are assaulted on the academic campus.


to be continued

Tags: assaults at university

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Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

26 November 2006
Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE, odds and ends, REFLECTIONS
I loved Kay Cee's definition DISTRACTION RUN AMOK

So that being said any coping mechanicism can become unhealthy
if it is excessive (sp).

Most of my councillors therefore are enabling
unhealthy coping behaviour on my part.

When the flooding of memories
finally overwhelmed me and I left one "t"
(I found out that she herself...
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Tags: tributes reflections

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Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE, odds and ends, REFLECTIONS, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend
Hope you share
many happy moments
with those you love
this Christmas

Tags: Friend she needs hope and help

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Posted by danusia007   in career and UNIVERSITY
I was a personal attendent for a friend. The woman across the hall from her was part of our social circle.
I got cards and letters from this woman. I was invited by her to come to her room to watch TV. There was either a desk chair or her bed to sit on. The woman was on the bed. I sat on the end of the bed watching TV......the woman's...
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Tags: assaults at university

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Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE, REFLECTIONS
MOON GODDESS

Draped in her
GLIMMERING VEIL OF STARS
the Goddess Selene tenderly guides
the moon on its celestical journey
Keeping watch over
The NIGHT-BATHED Earth.

Her Face is Lit
By the gentle glow of
MOONBEAMS from the heavens
And by the profound power of
Her own inner peace
and love for womankind


Somewhere in the universe
A STAR SHINES...
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Tags: Birthdays virtual parties and reflections

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Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE, REFLECTIONS
You are one of God's Miracles

As Beautiful as the MOST AWESOME OF SUNSETS
As Vast as a CLEAR CLOUDLESS SKY
As Bright as the FIRST TWINKLING STAR of the evening
As Rare as a JEWELLED BUTTERFLY


As Wondrous as BLOSSOMS UNFOLDING THEIR SPLENDOR
As Wise as the TALLEST OF TREES
As Grand as the MOUNTAINS THAT REACH TO THE HEAVENS
As Free as a...
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Tags: Birthdays virtual parties and reflections

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Birthday Dinner Out

21 October 2006
Posted by danusia007  
I really enjoyed my birthday dinner.
It was at a Chinese place
Ginger Tea
a chef salad
and a sizzling hot plate of shrimp with ginger

:lol:

Tags: Birthdays virtual parties and reflections

Icon 1 Comments

danusia007 and usspandora like this

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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.