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- she has gotten to follow some of the family dynamics
Dad's (p) older brother (p)
dad died before his older brother(p)
This uncle was there for my homecoming following my birth
he was at my parent's house for his own daughter's birth (age 3 months)
my parents were her godparents
he was at my parent's house for my 2nd Christmas ( age 14 months)
He was at the community Christmas parties every year
My family was at his daughter's birthday celebrations (age 15 months on)
Trigger Warning Dad (p) rapes me before baby brother's birth
He was baby brother's godfather
He was at baby brother's christening
He came to baby brother's birthday celebrations (age 28 months on )
His 2nd daughter was born just before my 3rd Christmas
His family was at the community summer picnics (the ones I described to the tribunal)
When the cousins were school aged
we would exchange valentines every year
His 3rd daughter was born just after baby brother's 3rd birthday (I was 4 yrs old)
He assaulted me after my grandmother's funeral (age 7)
He was at baby brother's first communion (age 8)
So between the birthdays, valentines, picnics, and Christmases, he had access to me
on a fairly regular basis. It is sad, these are suppose to be happy childhood events,
not settings for childhood sexual assaults.
He was at my grandfather's funeral (age 13) the one I only have partial hazy memories for
He was at my baby brother's confirmation ( age 14 )
He was at the big Family Reunion (age 15)
He was around too often, given his perp status.
I am still in shock.
I had nightmares about him in 1993 and again in 2005.
The nightmares where you wake up still seeing the nightmares
and feel the age of the abuse
and see the room where the abuse happens
and see the perp assaulting you
.... ...... ...... ......
and struggle to come back to the present
and now I can tell myself he is dead.
and he can not hurt anyone again
sigh ............. I have a whole lot of unresolved feelings again
following the death of a perp.
to be continued....
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About my blog
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.