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My Sister died in 2001.
She was on life support.
I did not get to say good bye :down:/>
She was already off life support
by the time I came home
and found a police officer's card
under my door.
She would had been severely disabled
If they had kept her on life support
Her organs were donated
and my mom got a medal
for donating her organs
Her son, my nephew, will not talk about her
He picked a book about being sad and lonely for his birthday
I wish he would ask about his mom.
I miss her every day,
I had not talked to her for quite some time.
Her last letter to me was about our abuse history
and her son.
It was only fate that I even received it
because the address was wrong.
She had been a crown ward for her teen years.
She tried to file a complaint about my dad
My counsellor of the day did not assist me
with supporting my sister.
The counsellor of the day did not advise me to turn her letter over to the police
she did document it in my file and her report
her report to my one lawyer
so my lawyer was aware of this and other letters
Actually no one did.
I finally sent it to the police after her death
I live with the regrets of not doing more for her. :down:/>
At one point I had had plans of assisting her.
I still have a letter from one of my groups
where I was encouraged to do so.
I buy yellow roses in memory of her,
One counsellor of the day
asked me about those roses
and suggested that I look for
pink and yellow roses
to represent both me and my sister.
I have one beside my laptop.
It is strange though
cuz that rose also reminds me about that counsellor.
My sister's favourite bird was the common loon.
I have her school project about loons.
I will buy loons to remember her.
My grief counsellor suggested buying sister cards again
for every hoilday
I did that every year for her once.
Now I buy books on sisters.
One year I sent her a postcard every day
so she would know that I was thinking of her.
One of the things I found in her room
was a story called My Baby Sister,
I had written it in Grade 1
and it moved me to tears
to find it again
all those years later. :bawling:/>
My mom finally gave me a bunch of photos
of the two of us together in May 2005.
Now I buy sister picture frames.
We had shared a room together for the first 13 years of her life.
After I left home she would tease me about some of my boyfriends.
Some years she sent lots of letters.
Other years there are no letters.
I feel that I failed her
And that she would still be alive today
If I had made different choices
to be continued
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About my blog
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.