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Birthdays in my family are really loaded
triggers possibly for others
definitely for me
a nice birthday
card cake choice of dinner gift maybe a party sounds safe
real real birthday lots of csa with drinking
birthday cards stopped after my statement to the police (and so did Christmas cards)
cards must be sent to each family member
cards must never be sent late
gifts are announced and compared
and all sorts of unspoken rules
order of birthdays
younger brother CSA at age 16 mths........age 4
dad (P) now dead
mom(P) watch out for this one
self CSA at age 4 crisis time
I try to get myself gifts and a card
maybe a nice dinner maybe a party
younger sister CSA at age 4 ...........age 11 she is now dead
older brother (P) CSA at age 5 he is now dead
Birthdays were NOT nice times in my family
Birthdays are anniversaries of CSA
a line from a poem I wrote possible trigger
so that child you yet again destroy
can yearn for birthday joy
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About my blog
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.