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danusia007 and usspandora like this
Posted by danusia007   in My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, MY HEALING CIRCLE my books
To My Daughter with love Parragon Books


Mothers and daughters by Sandra Deeble


To a very special daughter by Helen Exley


The Love Between Fathers and Daughters by Helen Exley

Baby Girl A Giftbook by Helen Exley











edited to add titles

Tags: Books can be best friends as well

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, support
I spoke with mom earlier.

I spoke with my aunt on July 31

I spoke with my nephew on July 30.

I spoke with my brother last on his birthday in March.

It does feel like the whole family is torn apart.


With each of us isolated from the other.


My fears from age 17 have come true in some way...

Older brother dead

Baby sister dead


Dad...
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Tags: Family drama and dynamics

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yet to be titled

22 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim
July 22 2007



Dad

You gave up the rights of a father the first time you abused me

Mom

You gave up the rights of a mother the first time you abused me


Bro

You gave up the rights of a brother the first time you abused me



to be continued

Tags: tributes reflections

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Phoned Mom

22 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor
July 22 2007


she asked if we can talk later


(anni for friend coming up, post anni baby brother)

Tags: Family drama and dynamics

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Posted by danusia007   in PROFILE, MY STORY, My Family SISTER, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family NEPHEW, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family I salute my brother
REMINDER OF TRIGGER WARNINGS

this is still in progress ...

My birth Dad's dad takes mom to hospital because Dad is unavailable

My Big brother's first birthday I am 1 month old

My first christmas I am age 2 months I am holding a toy doll as my mom holds me.


I am in photo's for cousin's birth I am age 3 months


My family...
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Tags: My Story

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MY BABY SISTER

15 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY STORY, please forgive me, REFLECTIONS
She was born at home

I wrote a story about her birth in grade 8

I am not in the photos of her homecoming from the hospital

She is in the photo for big brother's 5th birthday she is less tha a month old

She is in a Christmas photo; she is less than 2 months old; mom is holding her and one of my toy dolls


She is in the photos for baby...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Death of a perp

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor
mom's dad

6 years pending


I had been told 6 years earlier

to expect him to die

Parents phoned bf

who then told me

Mom's health suffered

for months after

It was not mentioned

by her family doctor

during my complaint

against him


I did tell all of my supports

and then spent months

looking for a new "t"

cuz my...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Death of a perp

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, MY STORY, support
TRIGGER WARNINGS


this is still in progress

mom's oldest brother


special relationship with big brother


aunt's son left alone with him and that cousin is doing a lot of acting out

all my aunts were abused by him

why leave him alone with children ?

he had a say in my family

mom would often listen to him instead of Dad

two of his...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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context

26 June 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, support
May

sis anni
aunt anni
perp's death

Nephew and Mom

laptop problems

June

ultrasound
Nephew
train tracks near miss

July

friend anni
bros cancer
Worker's death
illness
laptop problems

Aug

legalaties

Sept

tribunal

laptop prob

Oct

Cat Scan
Mri
Nephew
aunt anni

Nov

stalker on bus
Dad and nephew
tribunal

Dec

worker's...
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Tags: My Story

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY STORY, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend
unresolved grief major trigger warnings






my mom's mom age 3 I named her as a victim of violence in 2001

aunt on dad's side age 4 breast cancer triggerered 1991

my dad's mom age 7 she should be named as a victim of violence

my godmother age 11 - 12 cancer

my dad's dad age 13 ??? PERP

my older brother age 21 self...
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Tags: My Story

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family SISTER
:trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger:

:trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger:















Dear Mom:


I did this once before in a Courage To Heal Group

That time it was just before your birthday

and the counsellor of the day

wrote on the bottom of that letter


" Very Courageous Piece to write

You...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Posted by danusia007   in MY RAPIST, My Family SISTER, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family I salute my brother, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, please forgive me
May 6 - Dec 6 National Day of Rembrance for Violence against Women

:candle:

My Sister died in 2001.

She was on life support.

I did not get to say good bye :down:

She was already off life support

by the time I came home

and found a police officer's card

under my door.


She would had been severely disabled

If they had kept her on...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Posted by danusia007   in MY RAPIST, My Family NEPHEW, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family I salute my brother, CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY
mom is in hospital

bro is barely speaking

he did get his birthday present

visits with nephew off and on between Dec 2004 to Oct 2006

a visit with him for his birthday april 2007

i went to his life plan meeting May 1 2007

apartment is full of water damage

and is sloowwlly drying out

i am still getting hang up calls

i am still hiding in...
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Tags: My stalker and assailant remains free

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Posted by danusia007   in career MY CAREER, career and COLLEGE, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor
My last year of work
the husband of my parent committee chair
was having an affair with another parent
Almost everyone knew except her
cuz they were having sex in their car
in the school parking lot
I was told by my supervisors to say nothing
I found it unsettling and triggering
Over the years since leaving work
I kept having these flashes about...
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Tags: mom perp and victim

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Mom(p) phoned

21 October 2006
Posted by danusia007   in REFLECTIONS, My Family NEPHEW, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor
I will be possibly having lunch with my mom next week for the first time in years.
My nephew and I had planned a lunch get together and mom may join
(This is not the dinner I described elsewhere in my blog)

Tags: mom perp and victim

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Birthdays and my family

20 October 2006
Posted by danusia007   in My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS
So some background

Birthdays in my family are really loaded

triggers possibly for others

definitely for me

a nice birthday

card cake choice of dinner gift maybe a party sounds safe



real real birthday lots of csa with drinking

birthday cards stopped after my statement to the police (and so did Christmas cards)


cards must be sent to...
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Tags: Birthdays virtual parties and reflections

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Posted by danusia007   in MY STORY, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, REFLECTIONS, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend
So I had trouble falling asleep last night
The crisis line counsellor was the one
who sings me a silly birthday song
I wanted to hear it again
and I got my wish
I was yawning but could not fall asleep
I phoned one of my support's voice mail
and told her some of the things
I can't tell the crisis line
She knows about this reaction
I feel...
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Tags: Birthdays virtual parties and reflections

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, REFLECTIONS
I call mail from MOM...MOM BOMBS

possible triggers



So I was handed an envelop today
It is a birthday card from mOm

OK open slowly and carefully
she already got her card from me
ok it is not a card for a little kid

but I am already blanking on the card
hmm my favourite colours
purples and blue and (some green)
I am blanking out the...
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Tags: mom perp and victim

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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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