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danusia007 and usspandora like this
Posted by danusia007   in My Family SISTER
This year I realized that each year I will grow older

and she will not

Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER
her son needs a mother


especially on birthdays, at christmas and other holidays


she will never see him graduate


or go to college or university


she will never see any of her grandchildren

she will never dance at my wedding

or wish me a happy birthday


and I can only wish her a happy birthday without her here


and I should never have...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family SISTER
b

Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Mom phoned

27 October 2008
Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER
she is still extremely distressed by my cousins' behaviour.


she is waiting to tell my brother



and I am still not sure when she will tell my nephew


she has cancelled her visits with both of them again



i must say my cousins work fast

Tags: mom perp and victim

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY STORY
So after staying in my parents house



i should not be surprised that I had a nightmare about

Dad raping me


strange though that he can rape me



years after being dead


* shudder *

Tags: My Story

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17 June 2008
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS, support
if you don't want to drive the car, dont reve the engine

- a message to my rapist from my t,

it did not deal with the pressuring by her around sex


you deserve (fill in the blank) various comments by a CSA/partner abuse counseller


you are a good person - repeatedly said by a counsellor who protects both my stalker and rapist


its not...
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Tags: My Rapist what was that look about ?

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Posted by danusia007   in REFLECTIONS, MY STORY, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY RAPIST, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY HEALING CIRCLE, My Family SISTER, cancer and ptsd, support, ACTIVIST
at some point I may list all of her community work

today I was crying


about remembering a speech she gave for her friend


after her friend's death,


she gave her friend a voice.


about remembering how she gave me the opportunity

to speak about my sister

she gave my sister a voice.

about remembering how for years

she helped give a...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
For safety reasons

I can not post the details

HOWEVER I will say my little tag along

seems to be watching out for her Big Sister

Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES housing, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER
I still miss her

landlord has turn my memorial site for her upside down

mom is phoning again

mom is speaking for brother and nephew again

I am hoping to spend the anni at some safe places

hopefully this year there will be no hang up calls


lots of sadness and wistfulness this year


I have once again purchased body shop treats

I read some...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS, support
I was told after the service.

I was stunned to learn that she was my sister's age.

I had to be careful who I spoke with.

I had about a week of feeling that I could not speak about her abuse.

I then decided that the judge would be the only one to make that decision.


I plan on writing more later when life is less hectic

Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, MY HEALING CIRCLE, My Family NEPHEW, please forgive me, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend
I have been presented with yet another strange twist of fate


I am close enough to my sister's gravesite

that I could walk over there in the morning


The only time I visited her gravesite

was after my Dad's death

I left her food

and told her

I Tried


And here I am again presented with the choice of visiting

maybe telling her...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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I still miss her

19 March 2008
Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family SISTER
on my birthday,


on her birthday

at the holidays,

on my brother birthday


it still feels like a grief that will never end


Posted Image Posted Image...

Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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A quick update

04 February 2008
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE my books, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Movies, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Music, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS, support
mom is probably unwell

nephew I need to go to his life plan


brother birthday fast approaching



stalker, may have run into her during a snow storm



rapist, I have seen several times



I finished reading LUCKY ........ wow May 1981, her story is amazing !!!!!!



I also read I never called it Rape ... a lot of this...
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Tags: My Story

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Posted by danusia007   in career MY CAREER, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY STORY, PROFILE, REFLECTIONS, support
If coping is not the healing

then I am still coping

with a lot of after affects

a permanent disability

where the professional agenda is about my coping

the courage to heal however includes coping as part of taking stock

the flooding of memories seems to be impairs my cognitive skills

and my ability to function

the professional denial seems...
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Tags: tributes reflections

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family SISTER, My Family NEPHEW, CLINICAL SERVICES housing, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, PROFILE, REFLECTIONS, support
I think abot the people here every day

I wish a lot to take gentle care

I make birthday wishes

I send congratulations and bravo s

I read about their lifes

I send condolences

When I started here

I thought that

a lot of my posts

would be

in survivor creativity

and pursuing legal action


I did not think

that I would be hiding

in...
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Tags: tributes reflections

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS, support
or is it a circle of people who you love ?

The Family circle .....

Grandparents dead starting at age 3

Aunts and Uncles starting at age 4 (actually before I was born)

Cousins dying even before I am born

Siblings dying by age 21

Friends dying Grade School ? High School University College


Perps dying by age 13

The circle of Life

The...
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Tags: Family drama and dynamics

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May 2006

03 September 2007
Posted by danusia007   in My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER
Buy laptop to organize life

outlines for my story

death of perp

nephew's life plan



sept 3 2007 edited sept 12 2009

Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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May 2007

03 September 2007
Posted by danusia007   in My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
Pandy's Memorial Day

6 years Sis

2 years aunt

1 year perp


still hiding from stalker


still flashbacks from all of the abuse


sept 3 2007 edited sept 12 2009

Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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May 2005

03 September 2007
Posted by danusia007   in My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
at the tribunal

4 years later

2 friends deaths

aunt's death


flood with CSA for months after tribunal

still same sex abuse flashbacks

stopped visits with nephew


sept 3 2007 edited sept 12 2009

Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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May 2004

03 September 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, career and UNIVERSITY, My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
3rd grief group

nephew's safety ?

leaving college work placement

at university women center

misconduct by mentor

from one of my groups

We share your sorrow

in the loss of your Sister.

Our thoughts are with you ....

to my sis

she misses you

give her a hand

for all of us

Let the Light of God ...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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