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danusia007 and usspandora like this

anni today

13 September 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS, support
first it is my name day

my stalker has spent the previous week leaving me voice messages

about plans for the day

my rapist, on the other hand, her messages were of a different tone


dyke brunch with perp

new improved mix tape from my rapist and a song about how safe she feels with me

another woman po with me in the district

making verbal...
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Tags: My Rapist what was that look about ?

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Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, PROFILE, REFLECTIONS, support
One feature that survivors have in common

with war vets is post traumatic stress

there are many other parallels

My rape drawings from my grade school years

include women being raped on battlefields


Today I am thinking whether

friendly fire would apply

the incoming from someone

who you know and trust

I may write more later

Tags: My Rapist what was that look about ?

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May 2002

03 September 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
starving from lack of food

mainly eating furneral food Comfort ?

friend

2 teachers

mentor

2 groups

another speech

3 months of harassment

Nephew's safety system run around



Sept 3 2007 edited sept 12 2009

Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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May 2001

03 September 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, support
a police card under the door

counsellor of the day

just started back at college

3 months after friend's sui

12 hrs with friend who dies 4 years later

most sympathy from Police

wait 4 months for grief counselling

stalker in one group, one member later tells me that she did not realize that it had just happened

rapist friend in other...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor
triggers for death and child porn


need more be said ?


May 2006 - May 2007

even my mom had little to say about him

he was involved in child porn

the crisis line said little

my workers said little

and I am able to say little

I have a lot of unexpressed feelings

about both his abuse and his death

he was friends with my mom's brother...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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August 25 2007

25 August 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY RAPIST
august 25 2007


still being treated for knee
bought 3 shawls

bought world drum with carrying case

down at water park again, it cooled off later in the day

Tags: housing and support

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August 20 2007

20 August 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career MY CAREER, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE my books, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Movies, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Music, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, My HEALING CIRCLE Virtual Parties, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, please forgive me, PROFILE, REFLECTIONS
Yesterday was sunny and today is so cold and overcast. I stayed in bed alot yesterday, did a little cleaning.

Today, I am trying to do laundry, feels like the first time in at least 4 months, since my worker's death.


I am feeling really stressed, I really need a vacation ! I went for a walk down to the stores... it always feel

like a...
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Tags: My stalker and assailant remains free

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Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS, support
Aug 11 2007


I keep going back to that day.

I am here in the forum and blogging about my stalker


and everything crashes

and in spites of all my efforts

I can not re boot

Tags: My stalker and assailant remains free

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death of a friend

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Music
she lived in my building


I was able to buy a sympathy card for her children


I kept remembering her fave songs


I miss her in the community room

and at the annual bbq

her death brought up memories

of my friend's suicide

from 4 years earlier

and one worker

noted that

I had not finished

grieving my other friend

Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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death of a colleague

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in cancer and ptsd, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family SISTER
I spent her last summer

working with her in a community garden

she died from cancer

Her death brought up memories of my grandmother

I was able to write an eulogy for her

her illness bought up memories

of my grandmother who died when I was 7

the t of the day did not even document either event

she spent one session each with me about each...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Death of a perp

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor
mom's dad

6 years pending


I had been told 6 years earlier

to expect him to die

Parents phoned bf

who then told me

Mom's health suffered

for months after

It was not mentioned

by her family doctor

during my complaint

against him


I did tell all of my supports

and then spent months

looking for a new "t"

cuz my...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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death of bf's dad

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in cancer and ptsd, career MY CAREER, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, support
I could not go to his funeral

I was flooding in abuse memories from ages 3 to 4 and age 8

and I was searching for stable counselling

bf starts affair with a co - worker

that he hid for over 2 years

a mutual friend told me

bf's dad :

was my emergency contact for work

was a reference on my resume

helped me out

with housing problems...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Death of a perp

04 July 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, MY STORY, support
TRIGGER WARNINGS


this is still in progress

mom's oldest brother


special relationship with big brother


aunt's son left alone with him and that cousin is doing a lot of acting out

all my aunts were abused by him

why leave him alone with children ?

he had a say in my family

mom would often listen to him instead of Dad

two of his...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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June 29 2007

29 June 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, PROFILE
I find it scandalous that the needs of the victim still are trampled



to be continued

Tags: tributes reflections

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June 28 2007

28 June 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
still dealing with heat exhaustion

supportive call from friend

upcoming community event

Tags: housing and support

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context

26 June 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, support
May

sis anni
aunt anni
perp's death

Nephew and Mom

laptop problems

June

ultrasound
Nephew
train tracks near miss

July

friend anni
bros cancer
Worker's death
illness
laptop problems

Aug

legalaties

Sept

tribunal

laptop prob

Oct

Cat Scan
Mri
Nephew
aunt anni

Nov

stalker on bus
Dad and nephew
tribunal

Dec

worker's...
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Tags: My Story

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Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support
so it hurts to chew

but I finally did eat a little better today


the heatwave is now sending cool breezes

into the apartment and the landlord is missing

however she has 2 copies of my doctor's letter

as does one of the agencies


cynical me is thinking maybe they can use them

as fans as they sit in their airconditioned offices

it is...
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Tags: housing and support

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post dentist

22 June 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE my books, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Movies
so i just got back from the dentist

my mouth is sore


I have not eaten much since yesterday


the weather outside is cooler


and my apartment is like a furnace

I went to one of my fave stores

the sales clerks known me by name

and my taste in clothes

they always encourage me to go

outside my comfort zone

today sleepwear...

summer...
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Tags: housing and support

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In Canada

26 May 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, career and UNIVERSITY, career MY CAREER, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY
Being Lesbian or Gay

IS NOT A CRIME

BASHING IS !

Tags: My Rapist what was that look about ?

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Secondary Woundings ongoing

19 January 2007
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES support, CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., career and COLLEGE, My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
My sister died and I gave a speech in public
I wanted support
and got secondary wounding instead
people in my groups
harassed me
in the community
and with hang up calls
and blocking my access to services
while I was in the shocked state afterwards
my T took extra money from me
her book keeping was questionable
cuz I discovered the difference...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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danusia007 and usspandora like this

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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.