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Irishleo's Blog



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Reaching the end of my limit

Posted by Irishleo , 23 August 2012 · 49 views

It's official, my life sucks. I went to my college today and fought my case to get my financial aid reinstated. Without writing all the boring details, I will find out between tomorrow and the 2 weeks following whether I will get to continue attending. I gave it my all, if it doesn't work out I'm just giving up. I spent the entire day in meeti...


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Laughing is better than crying

Posted by Irishleo , 22 August 2012 · 58 views

This has not been a good day. I know I've been complaining a lot lately, but I just don't know how else to vent my frustrations. Today my morning started off with a betrayal from someone who screwed me over. Okay, I got mad but then tried to not think about it. Then in the afternoon my college cut off my financial aid, saying I didn't have a h...


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Frustrated and disgusted

Posted by Irishleo , 21 August 2012 · 48 views

I tried speaking to my mother today, telling how I had to go to the doctor this morning because I'm feeling ill. (I have a very bad ear infection and naseau) She immediately shrank away from me, as her germaphobia kicked in. (my entire family is extreme germaphobes) I tried to not be offended as I know I'm not contagious anyway, and told her about...


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can't stop crying- I'm broken

Posted by Irishleo , 07 August 2012 · 66 views

:bawling: :bawling: :bawling: For the last hour I've just sat sobbing. I just feel like giving up. EVERYTHING keeps going wrong, to the point that it's ridiculous. Tonight for example is the latest absurdity of my life. I am in the middle of my college final exams. Tonight I left my class, picked up my daughter at the babysitter, only to get hom...


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Mistakes and the game of life

Posted by Irishleo , 04 August 2012 · 45 views

I've been thinking a lot of my life lately, and all of the events that have happened which have made me who I am. When people have asked me if I have any regrets, I always have to think hard about that. The truth is, I don't know.

In some ways I wouldn't change a thing because I believe that everything happens for a reason. And I think there...


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Woke up to old flashbacks, minor trigger warning

Posted by Irishleo , 18 July 2012 · 54 views

I woke up this morning in the middle of a flashback that seemed to start in my dream. Not a new flashback strangely enough, but a significant one that I'd already remembered. Quick flashes of the first time his molestation of me moved into full on rape. Images of me crying as I relived the physical pain, images of me alone examining my bloody and seme...


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Feeling sad tonight

Posted by Irishleo , 12 July 2012 · 72 views

I've been feeling very sad and depressed all day, seeing as it's my wedding anniversary today. But I'm spending it alone, since my husband and I separated two months ago. I feel so desolute, and I hate that I have caused us both so much pain by leaving him.

Also, my anxiety issues over my daughter are getting worse. I've written in earli...


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Saw my abuser last night and I'm still in one piece (sort of)

Posted by Irishleo , 02 July 2012 · 62 views

Yesterday I finally saw my abuser since all my memories returned. Unfortunately, it didn't go as I'd hoped. I'd envisioned this grand confrontation, even planning many of the things I'd say. Unfortunately, the party ended up being much bigger than I'd anticipated and it was literally impossible for anyone to speak privately, and I wasn...


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Trying to embrace the beauty in hope

Posted by Irishleo , 29 June 2012 · 57 views

Sometimes it seems like hope is all I really have. Hope for a better life, a life filled with love and peace. Some days I nearly give in to the darkness of hopelessness, but other days, like today, I feel closer to the light. My life is extremely challenging right now, on every level, but I'm trying to believe that there is a purpose in it. An opportu...


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Just found out I will see my abuser in less than two weeks for the first time

Posted by Irishleo , 20 June 2012 · 56 views

I found out today that in the beginning of July there is going to be an important family party that everyone is expected to attend (including extended family), which means I am going to come face to face with my uncle for the first time since I recovered my memories of him abusing me. I hadn't though I would see him until Christmas but now it's on...






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