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Irishleo's Blog


Feeling sad tonight

Posted by Irishleo , 12 July 2012 · 33 views

I've been feeling very sad and depressed all day, seeing as it's my wedding anniversary today. But I'm spending it alone, since my husband and I separated two months ago. I feel so desolute, and I hate that I have caused us both so much pain by leaving him.

Also, my anxiety issues over my daughter are getting worse. I've written in earli...


Saw my abuser last night and I'm still in one piece (sort of)

Posted by Irishleo , 02 July 2012 · 37 views

Yesterday I finally saw my abuser since all my memories returned. Unfortunately, it didn't go as I'd hoped. I'd envisioned this grand confrontation, even planning many of the things I'd say. Unfortunately, the party ended up being much bigger than I'd anticipated and it was literally impossible for anyone to speak privately, and I wasn...


Trying to embrace the beauty in hope

Posted by Irishleo , 29 June 2012 · 30 views

Sometimes it seems like hope is all I really have. Hope for a better life, a life filled with love and peace. Some days I nearly give in to the darkness of hopelessness, but other days, like today, I feel closer to the light. My life is extremely challenging right now, on every level, but I'm trying to believe that there is a purpose in it. An opportu...


Just found out I will see my abuser in less than two weeks for the first time

Posted by Irishleo , 20 June 2012 · 34 views

I found out today that in the beginning of July there is going to be an important family party that everyone is expected to attend (including extended family), which means I am going to come face to face with my uncle for the first time since I recovered my memories of him abusing me. I hadn't though I would see him until Christmas but now it's on...


I've had enough

Posted by Irishleo , 19 June 2012 · 34 views

Everything just keeps going wrong no matter what I do. I'm angry and fed up, and I'm sick of trying so hard and having one thing after another go wrong. I don't know if it's some kind of test or life lesson, but I've had enough. I'm angry and frustrated and sick of trying so hard and not succeeding. I'm tired of looking at the...


I've remembered more of what he did to me- possible trigger

Posted by Irishleo , 13 June 2012 · 31 views

New flashbacks just hit me and I can't stop shaking. My throat feels so tight, and it's hard to breathe. I'm panicking, and I don't know what else to do other than write this all down quickly, maybe it will purge it away from me somehow. I've felt triggery for the last two days, ever since my stepmother said we might be giving him a ri...


Running through quicksand until I disappear

Posted by Irishleo , 11 June 2012 · 38 views

Feel like just giving up. Everything I've been working so hard to put together this week to fix my life and my daughter's is all imploding before it even begins. In one sweep all these things I thought I had arranged are all being taken away from me for one reason or another. I'm terified of what is going to happen, and there is no one to help...


Fed up with my so called mother

Posted by Irishleo , 10 June 2012 · 28 views

After ten years of being disliked and insulted by my mother's boyfriend, he and I finally got in an arguement today. I have never done a thing to this man. I've never been anything but polite to him, but he's always been rude in return for no reason at all. I've even attempted to be friendly at times despite his obvious resentment of me. B...


Brief graphic flashback

Posted by Irishleo , 06 June 2012 · 33 views

This week I have been making positive changes to my life. I'm in the process of going back to college, and have been running around doing lots of appts; legal, medical etc. I was actually feeling proud of myself for keeping so busy and getting things done. After all, keeping busy is the only thing that's been keeping my mind off my impending divor...


angry texts from my ex

Posted by Irishleo , 28 May 2012 · 37 views

My ex keeps sending me upsetting text messages today, with veiled threats. He keeps saying things sarcastically like he hopes I don't have to feel what he is feeling right now and that while for the moment he won't take our daughter away from me, he MIGHT change his mind at any time. He also made angry comments like he hopes me ending the marriage...

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