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Irishleo's Blog


My shield is so heavy

Posted by Irishleo , 10 December 2012 · 68 views

I've said it many times before, but I wish so badly that a day would come when I could lay down my sword and live in peace. My will to even wield the sword is fading more each day. My shield is so rusty and dented, that it no longer offers true protection. I'll never surrender, but my heart is so heavy. It makes me wonder sometime why I'm both...


Stuck with myself, mild trigger warning

Posted by Irishleo , 13 October 2012 · 60 views

So... I needed to cash a check today and hadn't opened a bank account yet since I moved back home. Someone told me stop and shop grocery store sometimes cashes checks even if you don't have an account, but once I got there a lady at the desk convinced me to open a bank account (from the bank situated inside) I didn't really want to, but decide...


Why does the kindness of strangers always make me cry?

Posted by Irishleo , 03 October 2012 · 26 views

Went to the doctor today. I hadn't had a proper check up in so long and finally got a appt. However, it didn't go quite as planned. Part of the reason I was there was because I needed some kind of medicine to get my anxiety attacks under control, but as soon as we started talking I just sobbed and could barely get a word out. It was so humiliating...


Sick today

Posted by Irishleo , 18 September 2012 · 37 views

Feeling so sick, it seems I've caught a bad cold. I had no choice but to skip my classes today because I just wasn't up to the hour commute. I'm a little worried about it, because now I've used up one of my excused absences for the semester (we're allowed 2), and I really need to save those for any day that my daughter might be sick an...


The face of evil

Posted by Irishleo , 17 September 2012 · 37 views

I had an anxiety attack this morning. I was trying to get my daughter ready for school when the same old flashbacks kept popping in my head. The memory of the profound physical pain he subjected my tiny body to that first time. The way he laughed mockingly as I pleaded with him to stop hurting me. The terror and fear that overwhelmed me when I was five ca...


Feeling like a ghost

Posted by Irishleo , 11 September 2012 · 29 views

I'm sick and tired of being used and discarded by the very people that are supposed to care about me. It's one thing when so called 'friends' treat me that way, but even my own family is like that. It's not right. The only time anyone shows up is when they need/want something from me. Otherwise they just live their lives and I never he...


Symbolic dream

Posted by Irishleo , 06 September 2012 · 33 views

Last night I dreamed that my husband and I were walking on the beach in the sand beside the ocean and holding hands. We stopped into a restaurant, and sitting in the back alone at a table was a therapist. We took turns meeting with her separately. She told me that our marriage was unhealthy, but that my husband was going to be fine now that I was separate...


Reaching the end of my limit

Posted by Irishleo , 23 August 2012 · 27 views

It's official, my life sucks. I went to my college today and fought my case to get my financial aid reinstated. Without writing all the boring details, I will find out between tomorrow and the 2 weeks following whether I will get to continue attending. I gave it my all, if it doesn't work out I'm just giving up. I spent the entire day in meeti...


Laughing is better than crying

Posted by Irishleo , 22 August 2012 · 37 views

This has not been a good day. I know I've been complaining a lot lately, but I just don't know how else to vent my frustrations. Today my morning started off with a betrayal from someone who screwed me over. Okay, I got mad but then tried to not think about it. Then in the afternoon my college cut off my financial aid, saying I didn't have a h...


Frustrated and disgusted

Posted by Irishleo , 21 August 2012 · 32 views

I tried speaking to my mother today, telling how I had to go to the doctor this morning because I'm feeling ill. (I have a very bad ear infection and naseau) She immediately shrank away from me, as her germaphobia kicked in. (my entire family is extreme germaphobes) I tried to not be offended as I know I'm not contagious anyway, and told her about...

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