screaming in despair (possible trigger warning)
I can't stop sobbing as I type these pathetic and self-pitying words. I hate myself so much. I know I don't deserve anything other than the misery I'm receiving. I've ruined my life and can't undo it. Everything is falling apart around me and I am powerless to stop it. Why couldn't I have just lived the way he wanted to live? Why couldn't I have just endured his horrible family and not let them drive us apart? At least I would have had my husband, who is the love of my life. Maybe I am just a horrible person, because I let outside things ruin what was a beautiful love.
No wonder I'm so unhappy, I'm a disgusting, horrible, pathetic, ugly person that deserves to be alone forever. And now, thanks to the decisions I've made, I will be. I have never felt as lost and hopeless as I do right now. I need help, but I don't know where to turn, and I know I don't deserve it. :'( :'( :'(