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Despair

Posted by Irishleo , 10 July 2014 · 51 views

I'm in the worst depression of my life. It's like everything requires too much effort. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I've had insomnia for weeks now, and it's really making me feel like I'm walking around in a fog. Even the act of breathing seems like too much exertion. I don't want to shower, or brush my hair. I can't even make myself put on any makeup. I don't want to see anyone, or do anything. I just want to disintegrate.
 
But despite this, I still seem to find the energy to cry all the time. I've cried so much the past few days that I don't even know how my eyes can produce tears anymore. Even as I typed these last words I started crying again like an idiot. I'm a broken, ugly shell. Whatever promise my life once held I've destroyed.
 
Every moment of my existence now is wracked with pain, regret, sadness, and despair. Every night I pray to God to release me from this Hell, only to wake up in the morning sad and resigned that I'm still here. And for what?
 
My thoughts have been so very dark and filled with hopelessness. I don't know how to get better, or how to make the pain stop.
 
I don't even know why I'm writing these words.



I don't have many words to offer unfortunately but I'm here listening and sending you hope for a better day.

Thank you MandyC ((hugs)) if okay

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