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Wash me away

Posted by Irishleo , 08 July 2014 · 83 views

I can't deal with my divorce, it's tearing me apart. I'm the only person I know of that is getting a divorce when both people are still in love with the other one. How do I let go of my soul mate and the other half of my soul? Why can't I just sacrifice what needs to be sacrificed in order to be with him? I hate myself so much for my indecisiveness and the foolish choices I've made that have led me to this point.
 
Last night I cried so much that I woke up with a swollen face and looked like a monster. I've survived so much in my life, but what was the point? So I could make it to THIS point? I don't even care what happens to me anymore, I just want the pain to stop. I don't believe anymore that a day will come when things will get better. Life has convinced me that things will only get worse for me.
 
I'm dying inside. I know it's cowardly, but I truly wish I was never born. I know it's weak of me to say and feel such things, but I'm being honest. I wish I could just swim out to sea and let the waves wash me away into nonexistence.



I hear you. You are not cowardly. I wish I could make things better. I believe in you.
I've been where you are. I feel like I could have written this, I've had every one of the thoughts you expressed here. I know this isn't easy, but it does get better. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I wish there were magic words that would make everything better. Instead, I can give you words of hope: I remember waking up every day and wishing for a day when I just didn't wake up at all. I wanted to give up, to disappear. I look around now and I'm so glad I didn't. Things aren't perfect, but they're getting better despite the fact that I didn't think it was possible. I was stronger than I gave myself credit for, and so are you. Hang in there, you can do this. Don't give up.

Susanna- thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot to me and help me feel less alone.

 

Mamielou- Thank you as well for your encouraging words. I'm sorry that you have felt the same pain that I have. I very much relate to your comment about a time in your life where you wished you wouldn't wake up. I start every day lately with the sad realization that I'm awake again and still here.

 

I know I need to have hope, but it gets so hard sometimes... Anyway, thank you for your response, it does help a little to know there are people in the world that hear me and that understand. ((hugs)) if okay

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