Jump to content


Wash me away

Posted by Irishleo , 08 July 2014 · 83 views

I can't deal with my divorce, it's tearing me apart. I'm the only person I know of that is getting a divorce when both people are still in love with the other one. How do I let go of my soul mate and the other half of my soul? Why can't I just sacrifice what needs to be sacrificed in order to be with him? I hate myself so much for my indecisiveness and the foolish choices I've made that have led me to this point.
Last night I cried so much that I woke up with a swollen face and looked like a monster. I've survived so much in my life, but what was the point? So I could make it to THIS point? I don't even care what happens to me anymore, I just want the pain to stop. I don't believe anymore that a day will come when things will get better. Life has convinced me that things will only get worse for me.
I'm dying inside. I know it's cowardly, but I truly wish I was never born. I know it's weak of me to say and feel such things, but I'm being honest. I wish I could just swim out to sea and let the waves wash me away into nonexistence.

I hear you. You are not cowardly. I wish I could make things better. I believe in you.
I've been where you are. I feel like I could have written this, I've had every one of the thoughts you expressed here. I know this isn't easy, but it does get better. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I wish there were magic words that would make everything better. Instead, I can give you words of hope: I remember waking up every day and wishing for a day when I just didn't wake up at all. I wanted to give up, to disappear. I look around now and I'm so glad I didn't. Things aren't perfect, but they're getting better despite the fact that I didn't think it was possible. I was stronger than I gave myself credit for, and so are you. Hang in there, you can do this. Don't give up.

Susanna- thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot to me and help me feel less alone.


Mamielou- Thank you as well for your encouraging words. I'm sorry that you have felt the same pain that I have. I very much relate to your comment about a time in your life where you wished you wouldn't wake up. I start every day lately with the sad realization that I'm awake again and still here.


I know I need to have hope, but it gets so hard sometimes... Anyway, thank you for your response, it does help a little to know there are people in the world that hear me and that understand. ((hugs)) if okay

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.