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Conflicted by flashbacks

Posted by Irishleo , 29 April 2013 · 167 views

The flashbacks have started again. Since I'm taking law classes, the topic of child molestation and sexual abuse comes up from time and time, and a few days ago another student got me really upset. The class had been talking about rehabilitation of sexual predators, and I said that I don't believe they can be rehabilitated. One girl in the class got angry with me and started telling me off, saying how it wasn't pedophiles fault and that they clearly had mental problems. Her ignorance made me so angry, but I pushed my feelings down, and I said that we are all entitled to our opinions, but that she and I were going to have to disagree.

For some reason I don't even understand myself, I just wanted to scream and cry. I know I shouldn't give a crap what this girl thought, but it just made me think of my own family defending my uncle when I've tried to talk about what he did to me. I'm tired of people defending monsters that hurt children. I tried to talk to my mom about how I can't stop having flashbacks, and she got annoyed as usual, telling me that if I'm telling the truth then I would just go to the police. Why can't she understand that I'm afraid? I WANT to go to the police, but if my own family won't stand behind me, why would anyone else? I live in a small town, where my uncle is revered. The thought of people looking at me and knowing what happened makes me feel sick inside, then another part of me despises myself for acting like a coward.

The abuse has had such a profound effect on my life, and it's not fair. I'd say I want my life back, but he ruined my life when I was so young that I NEVER EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO CREATE A LIFE! He robbed me of things that can't ever be replaced, and I will never forgive him for that. Damn him to Hell.

Apr 30 2013 01:56 AM

I'm sorry that this class and the discussion with the fellow (ignorant) student are causing flashbacks. I understand the reluctance of going to the police. It is very scary when you own family is not supporting you.

I'm sorry your uncle hurt you and robbed your childhood. I do hope that you can finish your degree and get out of there.
she is so naive hun I am glad you walked away from her and said we agree to disagree they know it is wrong and your uncle knew it was wrong he made a choice to harm

I wish that you could have closure with this but i do understand fear of reporting it your word against his dam law

I hope you can finish your degree soon hun so you will be able to fight to help others in harm hugs to you

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