Pandora's Aquarium: Frustrated and disgusted - Pandora's Aquarium

I tried speaking to my mother today, telling how I had to go to the doctor this morning because I'm feeling ill. (I have a very bad ear infection and naseau) She immediately shrank away from me, as her germaphobia kicked in. (my entire family is extreme germaphobes) I tried to not be offended as I know I'm not contagious anyway, and told her about the appt. At one point I was describing how the doctor ordered a pregnancy blood test for me, (because of the naseua symptom) despite the fact that I had told the doctor I am separated from my husband and there is zero chance I'm pregnant. (I left my husband several months ago and we hadn't been sleeping together in quite a while)

My mom then said something to the effect of I could have been pregnant. I laughed and said if I am then the Pope needs to know about it since it would be immaculate conception. My mom then shrugged and said "Well I don't know where you've been. Who knows where you go during the day." My jaw dropped in disbelief. When I reminded her that I am still legally married and certainly not out looking for men, she just made some rude remark about me acting prudish and how she thought that prudishness was out of my character. I was so stunned and offended I didn't even know what to say at first. Then I just retorted that I was disappointed that she thought so low of me that she thinks I'm both promiscuous and... whatever else she was implying. Apparently my own mother doesn't even know me at all. I don't judge what anyone else would do in my position, but for me personally I wouldn't be looking for a new boyfriend when I just left my husband that I'm still married to. And seeing as I am a student that watches my daughter full time, that means my mom thinks I'm the kind of person out trolling the town for sex and bringing my kid along with me. Great, thanks mom. Nice to know what you really think of me....

I don't understand what is wrong with my family. I've said it before in earlier blogs how they are the coldest people on earth. I'm never joking or exaggerating when I say that. They are, for the most part, completely devoid of warmth and lovingness. They are completely self-obsessed, especially my parents. Why did they ever have children? Why create a family when you have absolutely no interest in having one? Or, if after they had one child why carry on and have two more? I just don't get it.

When I had my daughter, I had her knowing that for the rest of my life I would have a responsibility to her. Not just to take care of her, but to raise her to be a good person who contributes to society, teach her the life skills she will need in life, help her get a good education and to follow her dreams and most importantly to love her unconditionally. And like most people, I do these things gladly, with pleasure. I am happiest when I spend time with her, and watch her grow. Not for one moment has she ever been anything but a bright spot of joy in my life. So why don't my parents feel that way about any of their children? Both my mother and father believe that their partners come first, before children. When will they realize that children are a blessing, not a burden?

My lifelong dream of having a close family seems more distant every day. The harder I try to forge a relationship with my family the more they resist. They just want to live alone and be alone. What is wrong with them?! The only reason I still bother is because I want my daughter to have grandparents and aunts, otherwise I would just go my own way. But it looks like there's nothing I can do. Maybe my daughter and I are better off on our own.