Pandora's Aquarium: Woke up to old flashbacks, minor trigger warning - Pandora's Aquarium

I woke up this morning in the middle of a flashback that seemed to start in my dream. Not a new flashback strangely enough, but a significant one that I'd already remembered. Quick flashes of the first time his molestation of me moved into full on rape. Images of me crying as I relived the physical pain, images of me alone examining my bloody and semen stained underwear afterwards forlornly.

Then my mind shifts to seeing the look in his eyes a few weeks ago when I finally saw him again after so many years. I'm sure he knows now that I've remembered what he did to me, and that is something that does make me a little uneasy. But why does my mind keep bringing up the image of him staring at me darkly, as I tried to walk past him? Flashes of him putting his leg out to prevent me from walking, as our eyes exchanged a brief silent conversation.

I feel very weird emotionally today. Slightly disconnected, but also somehow very much vulnerable if that makes any sense.

I tried again this week to speak to my stepmother who knows about the sexual abuse (my father told her years ago what my uncle did to me) but she coldly cut me off, refusing to discuss it. She's always done this, every time I try to talk about it. No one wants to hear... I wish I had that luxury, to not HAVE to know about these things, to know that monsters like my uncle walk the earth. And unfortunately there are many others just like him.