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Feeling sad tonight

Posted by Irishleo , 12 July 2012 · 33 views

I've been feeling very sad and depressed all day, seeing as it's my wedding anniversary today. But I'm spending it alone, since my husband and I separated two months ago. I feel so desolute, and I hate that I have caused us both so much pain by leaving him.

Also, my anxiety issues over my daughter are getting worse. I've written in earlier blogs how her turning five this year triggered all my memories of being abused when I was five. I am so unbearably terrified of someone raping her or molesting her. She's so small and innocent, and the thought of someone violating her the way I was violated makes me cry endlessly. I do everything in my power to protect her (to the point where everyone says I'm way too overprotective and not giving her enough freedom), but I can't be there every second of her life.

There are so many evil people in this world, people that care more about their own pleasures than about anything else. Every day I read another story in the paper about the sick vile ****** that molest or harm children, and it makes me so angry. I'm tired of these disgusting creatures being allowed to walk amongst society with the rest of us. They should all be locked in a cell with each other, where they can just live the rest of their miserable lives together where they can't harm anyone except themselves.

I'm feeling so worn out. I'm drained, sad, afraid, angry, lost, and lonely today. And so very, very tired.

Irishleo, I'm sorry you're feeling so sad and depressed. Sending you a hug :hug:

Looking back on my own childhood I think the things that would have helped me most would have been to be a self confident little girl with good self esteem. Being lonely and afraid made me vulnerable. I look at the five year old within me and I see how small and vulnerable she is, can understand your overwhelming need to protect your daughter.

Take gentle care of yourself

Irishleo, I am terribly sorry you are feeling this. You sound like an amazing mother and the thought of ever me having children scares me as well because I would NEVER want them to go through what I am as of now. I hope you and your daughter have a great life and just remember that you have me and many others here to speak with <3
Thank you Wildroses and writer, your support means a great deal to me. :hug:

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