Help
Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
Feel like just giving up. Everything I've been working so hard to put together this week to fix my life and my daughter's is all imploding before it even begins. In one sweep all these things I thought I had arranged are all being taken away from me for one reason or another. I'm terified of what is going to happen, and there is no one to help me. I have no one. I had been so proud of myself this week, thinking that despite my difficulties I was prevailing but I was an idiot. I should have know better than to think otherwise.
Also, I was with my stepmother earlier this afternoon and she mentioned casually we might have to give my uncle a ride. I almsot fainted from shock. This is the man that abused me as a child (a fact my stepmother is well aware of) and she expected me to share a car ride with him. Is she insane??? He ended up not needing a ride, but the whole thing left me feeling ill.
When am I going to ever find the light in my life? I feel trapped in the darkness, where I can see the light but am unable to reach it. I'm trying so hard, I'm doing everything in my power, and still I can't seem to get anywhere. It's like I'm trying to run through quicksand, but it just swallows me up. I feel so incredibly alone and unloved. Maybe that's all I will ever know from now on. I've been alone most of my life, why did I ever think that a day would come when it would be different? I'm a stupid hopeful fool. I hate myself so much I can't bear it. My heart and soul ache.
Also, I was with my stepmother earlier this afternoon and she mentioned casually we might have to give my uncle a ride. I almsot fainted from shock. This is the man that abused me as a child (a fact my stepmother is well aware of) and she expected me to share a car ride with him. Is she insane??? He ended up not needing a ride, but the whole thing left me feeling ill.
When am I going to ever find the light in my life? I feel trapped in the darkness, where I can see the light but am unable to reach it. I'm trying so hard, I'm doing everything in my power, and still I can't seem to get anywhere. It's like I'm trying to run through quicksand, but it just swallows me up. I feel so incredibly alone and unloved. Maybe that's all I will ever know from now on. I've been alone most of my life, why did I ever think that a day would come when it would be different? I'm a stupid hopeful fool. I hate myself so much I can't bear it. My heart and soul ache.
Share This Entry:
5 Comments On This Entry
Page 1 of 1
p.s. the thing about quicksand is there is a bottom to it, and perhaps imagine yourself when you have been swallowed up pushing off the bottom and flying through the sludge to come out on top.
"A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the jouney-a woman of strength has the faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong"
you are strong, u have made it this far and shows you also have strength!
Your stepmother was insensitive and thoughtless. I’m sorry she treated you like that.
I know what it’s like to feel so alone. There is nothing stupid or foolish about hoping, is sometimes all we have to lead us forward. Perhaps we could walk side by side through some of the lonely bits.
WildRoses