Running through quicksand until I disappear
Also, I was with my stepmother earlier this afternoon and she mentioned casually we might have to give my uncle a ride. I almsot fainted from shock. This is the man that abused me as a child (a fact my stepmother is well aware of) and she expected me to share a car ride with him. Is she insane??? He ended up not needing a ride, but the whole thing left me feeling ill.
When am I going to ever find the light in my life? I feel trapped in the darkness, where I can see the light but am unable to reach it. I'm trying so hard, I'm doing everything in my power, and still I can't seem to get anywhere. It's like I'm trying to run through quicksand, but it just swallows me up. I feel so incredibly alone and unloved. Maybe that's all I will ever know from now on. I've been alone most of my life, why did I ever think that a day would come when it would be different? I'm a stupid hopeful fool. I hate myself so much I can't bear it. My heart and soul ache.