Pandora's Aquarium: Dealing with the first stage of divorce - Pandora's Aquarium

Well even though I'm in terrible pain nabout the divorce, I have to say that to my surprise things are getting a tinier bit better every day. I know it's natural to mourn the end of a marriage, and I have probably cried an ocean's worth of tears this week. But even though I am sad there is a big part of me that is actually looking forward to the future with some optimism. I feel like this is a real chance for me to fix my life and do something better. A chance to improve my daughter's life as well, which is the most important thing to me.

I do feel a tremendous amount of guilt though about my husband. He's not taking it well at all, and switches from being sad and loving to me to extremely angry and resentful. He says I've ruined his life by leaving him. But the truth is, is that he still has the choice to move and be with me and our daughter. But instead he's choosing to remain overseas with his parents. So while I'm responsible for ending the marriage and asking for a divorce, I gave eight years of my life to living in a place where I was deeply unhappy and isolated. I gave it my all, and I can't do it anymore. It's not good for me, or for my daughter. But I am sad that I had to hurt my husband, because I do still love him. And I always will. But there has to be come a point where I have to think about what's good for me too, and that situation wasn't.

I'm still young enough to follow my dreams, and I really believe that I'm making the right decision. I am scared still of what is coming because I haven't filed for divorce yet (I know once I do my husband will truly realize it's over) and I'm worried about what he will try and do to me. But I'm gathering my courage, and I'm ready to face the storm, whatever it may bring.