Pandora's Aquarium: I feel like my life is over- trigger warning - Pandora's Aquarium

I ended my marriage today. I thought I would feel some sense of relief, but instead all I feel is regret and profound sorrow. I want to die. I have never felt this amount of pain in my entire life. I feel like I have turned my back on my soulmate, and ruined everyone's lives. (his, mine, our child's). And why? Because I was so unhappy with certain things he wouldn't compromise on? I feel like I might have made the biggest mistake of my life, even though just this morning I felt in my heart that I was truly making the right decision, a decision that has taken years to make.

So why does it hurt so bad!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!???

My heart is dying. No matter how much I cry the tears just keep coming. I can't eat, I can't do anything but feel pain. Pain I have inflicted upon myself, and my husband.

I will never give my heart to anyone again, I cannot bear this pain.

Oh God forgive me..............................

I am the worst person on earth. I was crying so much earlier that my daughter picked me a dandeloin flower and told me to make a wish, thinking that would cheer me up. I looked into her sweet face and just hugged her silently, because all I could think was that I didn't deserve to make any wishes, considering the terrible thing I had done today. I don't deserve happiness, or joy or love. I deserve nothing more than a life of loneliness and pain, and that is what I will get now. I have never hated anyone in my life as much as I hate myself right now.

I feel like the sun will never shine again, that I have beckoned storm clouds to darken my life forever. I have no one to blame except myself. I have always destroyed everything good in my life, so I shouldn't be surprised. I am a fool. I wish I could go back in time to the day I met my husband and never meet him, not because I want to spare myself this pain, but so that I could spare him from ever knowing me, ever being hurt by me. He deserves better than me, and maybe now without me he can finally have a good life.

I just want to close my eyes and sleep for a hundred years.