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Anyone have a spare hug? :(

Posted by Irishleo , 10 May 2012 · 113 views

All day I just keep worrying that I am making the wrong decision about ending my marriage. I know that ending it is the only logical choice and that it's the right decision for me and my child, but I also know it's not the right thing for my husband. I feel so selfish, and so sad when I think about my husband and what this is going to do to his life. Meeting and marrying me was probably the worst thing that ever happened to him. I'm a broken person that he tried to fix, and it's not his fault he failed. I failed him, and I failed myself. But I have to make sure I don't fail my daughter now, because she matters more than anything. She's still young enough that she won't remember most of this time period of her life.

This guilt is consuming me. I don't want to hurt him, he's been there for me and loved me as much as I have for him. Even the mistakes he made in our marriage were made out of youth and inexperience. And when we seperated a few years ago he tried to change and became a better man. But somehow though I started as the perfect wife, I slipped over the years and the two of us reversed roles. If I had left the marriage three years ago like I'd tried to, I would left with everyone's sympathy and understanding (including my husband's) but now to leave at this time, I feel like I'm a villain because he's tried so hard and now I'm just ending it. He deserves better than that. But I can't be what he wants me to be.

Three more days and then I have to tell him it's over. I am so afraid, not of what will happen to me but of the pain I'm causing him. I still love him so much, I never wanted to hurt him. I wish there was some way we could still be together because when two people love each other there should be a way to make it work. But the obstacles that face us can't be compromised on, we just want such different things. I feel like I have no right to be sad about it because I'm the one hurting him and not the other way around.

I hate myself so much. Wherever I go I leave a trail of pain and suffering. I never mean to, but that doesn't really matter. My heart is so incredibly heavy.

(((HUG))) what you are coping with is not an easy decision. Hun, please dont hate yourself, you are doing the very best you can. I really hope that you both can find a way to be there for your daughter. Blame is never the answer however if this is the road you need to take I hope you can both find a way to be there for your daughter. Thinking of you right now. Please feel free to pm me if you need anything.
You sound so much like I did three days before I left years ago...

I can tell you it IS hard. I can't tell you it's right. But I CAN tell you that either way, you can be fine. You have to ride out the hurt. It'll get exhausted, it will exhaust you. and you will still be standing when it's gone. :hug:
Thank you pinkbell and hazydaizee for your kind words :hug:

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