Anyone have a spare hug? :(
This guilt is consuming me. I don't want to hurt him, he's been there for me and loved me as much as I have for him. Even the mistakes he made in our marriage were made out of youth and inexperience. And when we seperated a few years ago he tried to change and became a better man. But somehow though I started as the perfect wife, I slipped over the years and the two of us reversed roles. If I had left the marriage three years ago like I'd tried to, I would left with everyone's sympathy and understanding (including my husband's) but now to leave at this time, I feel like I'm a villain because he's tried so hard and now I'm just ending it. He deserves better than that. But I can't be what he wants me to be.
Three more days and then I have to tell him it's over. I am so afraid, not of what will happen to me but of the pain I'm causing him. I still love him so much, I never wanted to hurt him. I wish there was some way we could still be together because when two people love each other there should be a way to make it work. But the obstacles that face us can't be compromised on, we just want such different things. I feel like I have no right to be sad about it because I'm the one hurting him and not the other way around.
I hate myself so much. Wherever I go I leave a trail of pain and suffering. I never mean to, but that doesn't really matter. My heart is so incredibly heavy.