Pandora's Aquarium: I hope I'm not too late - Pandora's Aquarium

This is the week that I am finally making real changes in my life, but I am so afraid that I've left it too late. It seems like now that I'm back in my real home that everyone else somehow moved on without me. Because my fear held me back for so long, now I have to struggle all alone again, without the support system I might have otherwise had. If only I had stopped fixating on love I could have made these changes three years ago.

This weekend I am going to tell my husband that it's officially over between us. I should do it now, today, but I need a few days to gather my courage. I am so afraid of his reaction, his will be extremely angry with me, and my greatest fear is that he will try to take our daughter away from me. I will never let that happen, but I know he is vindictive enough to try even though he has no clue how to raise children. He has never done anything for her, I've always done everything. But he can be so spiteful and cruel, so I wouldn't put it past him to try to take her. I hope I'm wrong, but I know I'm probably not.

Wanting to be loved and accepted has caused me more problems in my life than anything else. Even when my uncle abused me as a child, (which I know wasn't my fault) it happened partly because of my being nice to him so he would like me. And as an teen then adult I was always looking for love which led to countless problems I won't even get into. And now, it has led me down a path that has ended in divorce. I'm tired of searching for love. The only love in my life I care about is the love I feel for my child. She is the only thing that truly matters to me anymore.

I can't let fear control me anymore. I know I'm making the right decision about my marriage, I just wish it wasn't so hard.