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Need Advice

Posted by Irishleo , 11 October 2011 · 95 views

Another flashback last night. I was five years old, and desperately trying to sneak into my parents bed so that I could be safe from my uncle. But as always, my dad became angry when he woke up and saw me snuggled in my mom's arms and dragged me out of the room across the house to my own bedroom. I cried and begged him, but was too scared to tell him about my uncle. After my dad had left I returned to his doorway, and slept curled in a ball there on the floor, knowing I would get spanked if he caught me going back in his room but too afraid to return to my own. This was something that happened all the time, but that particular night my uncle (who stayed with us often) came and retrieved me from the doorway, and forced me to return to my room with him.

Since my flashbacks of what my uncle did to me began, I have gone through so many emotions from shock and upset, to sadness and rage. But more than anything, an unbearable desire to confront the monster about what he did to me. It's becoming something of an obsession to me, and I spend so much time imagining all sorts of confrontations with him, and what I might say. I'm afraid, but the desire to defend the small child I was then is stronger than my fear. No one protected me as a child, but I am grown now and I want to face my abuser.

How can I ever lead a normal life carrying this baggage around with me? I can't afford counseling, so I carry around all this pain and damage within me, and it's destroying me. I can't bear it.

This brings me to the advice I am seeking. I want to confront him, and will probably one get one chance to do so because once it's in the open things will get ugly. I don't expect him to admit to people what he's done to me and other children, so likely he will get defensive and aggressive. While statutes of limitations protect him from any jail time regarding my case, I have no doubt there are others he's probably molesting now that he could still go to prison for. I don't want to lose other family members by revealing the truth, but I can't live with this secret inside me. He is an evil man, and very capable of violence, so I don't think it would be safe to meet him alone. How should I confront him and what should I say?



Irishleo,

I feel your pain and know what you are going through!!!! With exception to the fact that my own mother knew that my father was sexually abusing me and chose to do nothing - except threaten me if I ever told anyone. So I lived in a household where everyone knew what was going on but was too scared to tell anyone!!!! As an adult - at about 27 years of age I confronted my parents (I wrote a letter) and I also wrote letters to Aunt's, Uncle's and cousin's....come to find out "NO-ONE" was surprised!!! And apparently my father tried raping my Mom's own sisters and my mother still did NOTHING!!! I have broken off all contact with my parents - the toxic cycle and secrets were NOT going to be a part of my own TWO children's lives!!! It was the best thing that I've ever done for myself and my family!!!

I still have lot's of daily struggles, flashbacks, nightmares, and a lot of other problems....but confronting through the safety of a written letters was the safety I used instead of face-to-face. I wish you luck with whatever you decide...keep me posted!!!

I care!

selaine
Thank you for your kind words and advice. It helps me to know that there other people that understand what I'm going through. I'm sorry for what happened to you as well, it must have been so hard to know that not only were you being abused by your father, but your mother knew and didn't protect you. I will definately post a blog about my confrontation with my uncle, whenever it does finally happen. I like your idea of writing letters, I might do that too in regards to telling other family members what happened. Thanks again. :hug:

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