Pandora's Aquarium: When it rains it pours - Pandora's Aquarium

Having such a bad day. It's so hard to be optimistic when everything seems to go wrong at once. Took my daughter to school today, always stressful for me because I have fears she will be molested if she's out of my sight. (another residue from my own childhood molestation) I am overprotective of my child anyway, but last year on her first day of preschool one of the children in there actually rubbed her inappropriately. Although it wasn't a severe touching, the fact that it happened on the VERY 1st DAY made my paranoia that much worse. Now that she has started kindergarten, I can't help but be afraid something will happen to her again in this new place. The area we live in isn't a very good one, but I can't afford to move yet. Meanwhile her new school is so bad several kindergartners (including mine) actually got locked out of the building after lunch last week and no one noticed. They were crying and upset and didn't get let in until my daughter knocked on several windows to be let in. You can imagine what this does to my sanity. My child is my whole world, and I feel like a terrible mother bringing her to a place where she isn't being watched and protected. The difference between my parents and I is that I do everything in my power to protect my child and my parents never bothered trying to protect me, leaving me vulnerable to predators. I am determined to make sure that doesn't happen to my child, but how can I protect her adequately when I must surrender her to a school that doesn't even bother to make sure she's in the classroom???

Furthermore, when I viewed the school recently I was upset to see that the bathroom is down a long hall from her classroom and she is expected to go on her own whenever she needs to use the bathroom. But that bathroom is also shared with older kids. All my terrified mind can think of is what if one of the older kids molests her in the bathroom, and no one is there to help her? Or worse, what if one of the staff members comes upon her and rapes her? These fears keep me up at night. I know predators work in places where there are children. When I was a teenager I worked at a kids camp and one of the male coaches actually molested and raped 6 kids and was grooming many more before he got caught and arrested. These bastards seem to be everywhere where they can get access to children.

Am I crazy? Is my paranoia totally abnormal and the school bathroom issue? I wish I knew if anyone else felt that same way as me. I know I probably feel so worried about it happening because I was personally molested, but the fear of someone violating my daughter is making it hard for me to let her go anywhere without me.

On a side note, I also found out from the vet this afternoon that the family cat is dying from cancer. Then I returned home to find an invitation to a birthday party in my uncle's honor. I nearly threw up as I looked at it, before tearing it into a hundred pieces and throwing it in the garbage. I know my while blog is rather whiny today but my mood is just so bleak and dark I can't help it. Like I said, when it rains, it pours... :(/>