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Irishleo's Blog


Update on robbery

Posted by Irishleo , 01 January 2012 · 28 views

Well I have filed a complaint with the police, but they basically said they would have another officer contact me back in a few days. It's so frustrating because I explained that I need someone to come and dust my bedroom for fingerprints and the officer said that's not necessarily standard procedure. WTF? How is that not standard procedure? The l...


My soul is exhausted

Posted by Irishleo , 29 December 2011 · 20 views

I just discovered last night that I have been robbed. Again. I don't know why I seem to get robbed on such a regular basis, but for whatever reason it seems to happen to me alot more than the average person. It's odd because I take more precautions than most people due to the fact that I've had so many things stolen from me. Anyway, I opened m...


Bitterly disappointed

Posted by Irishleo , 27 December 2011 · 35 views

Tonight I finally mustered up the courage to tell my mother in detail about the flashbacks I've been having from my childhood abuse. It didn't go well. I have hinted in the past to her about it but tonight I finally went ahead and got it all out. She was skeptical throughout our phone call, and out of all the many things she could have said, she c...


another terrible memory

Posted by Irishleo , 22 December 2011 · 33 views

Again in this memory I am five years old. In the house I grew up in my bedroom was the only bedroom far away from the others. It was also right next to the only bathroom in the house. Anyway, this night in my memory I was just about to go to bed when my uncle came into the room. He smelled heavily of beer, and crouched down so that he was near my height....


Panic attacks

Posted by Irishleo , 18 December 2011 · 35 views

The last two days have been really tough. I've been having panic attacks every time the flashbacks start up. This Christmas is going to be the first time I have seen my abuser (the main one anyway) since I remembered everything that happened, and the stess and anxiety has been getting to me. I got so stressed out that I began having chest pains and co...


Small flashback

Posted by Irishleo , 05 December 2011 · 34 views

Last night I had another flashback. Well, I'm not exactly sure if it counts as another one, but it's a more detailed version of a flashback I've had previously. I am not positive if I am mixing up two seperate memories or if they're from the same day, but I'm pretty sure it's the same memory. The new part I have remembered is that...


Heartbreak, psychics, and more pain than I can take

Posted by Irishleo , 02 December 2011 · 37 views

Tonight I am just overwhelmed. This has been one of the most painful years of my life. Everything just seems to be falling apart, and nothing I do seems to stop it. In the span of a year my beloved grandmother passed away, my best friend of over 20 years decided she no longer wants to be in my life, claiming its because she is fed up with my depression an...


Sorry to the little girl I was

Posted by Irishleo , 24 November 2011 · 41 views

Lately since the flashbacks have become more detailed, I have been feeling a strange blend of extreme emotion but yet a sense of dissociation at the same time. When I think about the terrible things that he did to me as a child, my heart becomes filled with sadness thinking about the little girl, even though she was me. I want to hold her in my arms and c...


Sick to my stomach

Posted by Irishleo , 15 November 2011 · 40 views

It's strange how people are not always what they appear to be. If anyone looked at the man that raped me, they might think him an average person. In the small town I'm from he was a local firefighter. An honorable profession certainly. But there is no honor in that man. He simply wears the mantle and fools people like a wolf in sheep's clothin...


Sad and frustrated by flashbacks

Posted by Irishleo , 06 November 2011 · 51 views

Tears are sliding down my cheeks as I type, and I feel sadder tonight than I have in awhile.It seems that no matter how hard I try, I can't escape him. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, at any random moment that monster can penetrate my mind and attack me all over again. Only now it's far worse because it isn't only my body now, but my...

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