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Symbolic dream

06 September 2012
Posted by Irishleo  
Last night I dreamed that my husband and I were walking on the beach in the sand beside the ocean and holding hands. We stopped into a restaurant, and sitting in the back alone at a table was a therapist. We took turns meeting with her separately. She told me that our marriage was unhealthy, but that my husband was going to be fine now that I was...
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Posted by Irishleo  
It's official, my life sucks. I went to my college today and fought my case to get my financial aid reinstated. Without writing all the boring details, I will find out between tomorrow and the 2 weeks following whether I will get to continue attending. I gave it my all, if it doesn't work out I'm just giving up. I spent the entire day...
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Posted by Irishleo  
This has not been a good day. I know I've been complaining a lot lately, but I just don't know how else to vent my frustrations. Today my morning started off with a betrayal from someone who screwed me over. Okay, I got mad but then tried to not think about it. Then in the afternoon my college cut off my financial aid, saying I didn't...
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Frustrated and disgusted

21 August 2012
Posted by Irishleo  
I tried speaking to my mother today, telling how I had to go to the doctor this morning because I'm feeling ill. (I have a very bad ear infection and naseau) She immediately shrank away from me, as her germaphobia kicked in. (my entire family is extreme germaphobes) I tried to not be offended as I know I'm not contagious anyway, and told...
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Posted by Irishleo  
:bawling: :bawling: :bawling: For the last hour I've just sat sobbing. I just feel like giving up. EVERYTHING keeps going wrong, to the point that it's ridiculous. Tonight for example is the latest absurdity of my life. I am in the middle of my college final exams. Tonight I left my class, picked up my daughter at the babysitter, only to...
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Tags: despair, sadness, aching

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Posted by Irishleo  
I've been thinking a lot of my life lately, and all of the events that have happened which have made me who I am. When people have asked me if I have any regrets, I always have to think hard about that. The truth is, I don't know.

In some ways I wouldn't change a thing because I believe that everything happens for a reason. And I...
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Posted by Irishleo  
I woke up this morning in the middle of a flashback that seemed to start in my dream. Not a new flashback strangely enough, but a significant one that I'd already remembered. Quick flashes of the first time his molestation of me moved into full on rape. Images of me crying as I relived the physical pain, images of me alone examining my bloody...
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Feeling sad tonight

12 July 2012
Posted by Irishleo  
I've been feeling very sad and depressed all day, seeing as it's my wedding anniversary today. But I'm spending it alone, since my husband and I separated two months ago. I feel so desolute, and I hate that I have caused us both so much pain by leaving him.

Also, my anxiety issues over my daughter are getting worse. I've written...
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Posted by Irishleo  
Yesterday I finally saw my abuser since all my memories returned. Unfortunately, it didn't go as I'd hoped. I'd envisioned this grand confrontation, even planning many of the things I'd say. Unfortunately, the party ended up being much bigger than I'd anticipated and it was literally impossible for anyone to speak privately,...
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Posted by Irishleo  
Sometimes it seems like hope is all I really have. Hope for a better life, a life filled with love and peace. Some days I nearly give in to the darkness of hopelessness, but other days, like today, I feel closer to the light. My life is extremely challenging right now, on every level, but I'm trying to believe that there is a purpose in it. An...
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