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My Fragile Reverie



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Letting Go

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 27 March 2012 · 38 views

So in therapy we have been talking about letting go. Letting that wall down and actually acknowledge your feelings, past and present. Having that big cry, experiencing relief, finally understanding why you are upset. The key thing is here no one can tell me how to let go. She tries so hard to give me different scenarios, drawing it into a picture like a d...


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Stressed

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 15 March 2012 · 40 views

It's been a minute since I have written a blog, we've been so busy. Work, sleep. errands, work....it's getting exhausting. There's no extra time, and that's bringing out the worst in Lys and me. We're doing well, a spat here and there, which is new for us, but it will pass. She's under so much stress right now, I understand why...


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ECT

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 08 March 2012 · 35 views

I have an appointment in a couple hours to talk to a psychiatrist about Electric Shock Therapy. I'm terrified right now. Is this the right way to go? I've tried so many things and nothing has really worked, so this is where we ended up. Is this too drastic? I feel crazy for wanting someone to shock my brain.


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Therapy

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 06 March 2012 · 35 views

I'm not sure how I feel about yesterdays therapy. I felt ganged up on durning the session in some moments. I felt like I was being pointed out to be the bad guy. I don't understand. I'm not sure what I believe or don't believe, trust is the most difficult thing. My T says I can't make anyone do anything, but my wife has told me some re...


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T Today

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 05 March 2012 · 37 views

I'm so nervous about today's T appointment. And I do believe that is an understatement. Lys goes with me, marriage counseling, God knows we need it now. We're having a huge issues about her writing and the affair. I don't think either of us have been honest about how we feel about the whole God damn thing. I think it's about to all co...


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Help

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 02 March 2012 · 87 views

I've had so much anger recently. I'm holding it all in and I am about to explode. I don't think it's even directed at the r; it's more towards Lys than anything. I can't get over her affair. I feel like I'm fighting a ghost and everything she tells me is a lie. Or doesn't tell me to be exact. I can't escape what she did...


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Flashes

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 28 February 2012 · 36 views

I'm not trying to beat myself up here but I have literately taken 100 steps back from where I was. I know that's normal, but damn is it frustrating I was doing so well, no flashbacks just nightmares. Now I'm trigger happy constantly. It's not even full flashbacks anymore it will be flashes of the night. The entire night, not just the r. Hi...


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Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 23 February 2012 · 37 views

:toomuch: Shocker...no nightmares last night. however...the flashbacks have been obnoxiously horrible for the past two days. I go into panic attacks, I start shaking, I want to scream and cry, and the psychical pain I don't even know a way to describe the feeling it gives. Everything makes his face flash in my mind, a part of the attach, me just run...


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Random

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 20 February 2012 · 99 views

:yahoo: Therapy today!!!! Thank you Jesus! It's been 3 weeks because we didn't have the money; still don't but couldn't go any longer. There's so much to say but I don't know how to say it. I just wish I could print my blogs and take them to her...actually I could do that. For some reason I'm embarrassed to...


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It's over

Posted by Fragile_reverie , 18 February 2012 · 46 views

I'm feeling so lonely today. I woke up from another nightmare. It never ends, I believe I will always be like this. I can't live like this anymore. I just want to join my friend Morgan and drive into a semi. Just end it all now. No one here understands where I am, they can't see the pain. They ignore how heavy I am feeling. What am I living fo...






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