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I feel embarrassed talking about it. :shy:/>/> Like, when there's something gross in the toilet or on the sidewalk the image of it can get locked into my mind and my thoughts will just obsess about it and I can't get away.
What helps: firm self talk and distraction. Also, sometimes, remembering that "gross" is just a reaction; all the atoms on our planet have been recycled over and over and over again. We're all the same group of material.
*sigh* I guess I have a lot of shame around this. I think I've always had it. I know when I was a kid I was afraid of toilets (I grew up in a house with a latrine). When presented with a regular toilet, I would flush and then run away fast. I also know when I was 3 or 4, around the time of the CSA, the toilet overflowed after I used it and my brother (not my abuser, he was probably 17 at the time) got mad at me about it. I've always been too afraid and ashamed to bring any of this up in t but I'm hoping to when I start again in May.
Source: Triggered by Bodily Fluids
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