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Today my mother emailed me the following:
I was getting sicker and sicker when you were in me, reaching the end of limits with exhaustion. (I'm not negating being molested, just looking for more info to add to that)
It is terrifying what we do to our babies.
So. Well. I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to feel about it. I guess...I feel...I mean, it is nothing bad. She isn't being manipulative or anything. It's acknowledgement, right? And that's what I want? So why does it feel so invasive when she talks about the abuse? When what I want from her is to acknowledge it and hear it and not make it about how she feels bad for making mistakes or how she never should have adopted my brother... I guess the question comes back to: what do I want from her?
Mostly? Right now? No contact. And I pretty much have that. So kudos to me. Fucking kudos to me. Three years ago I was not at the same place I am today with my parents. I couldn't tell them no very well. I felt guilt for pushing them out of my life.
On a day when it feels like I've been in the same rut for five years, it feels really good to realize that I am making progress, or boundaries, or something.
1 Comments On This Entry
Self care day
on Mar 27 2013 12:14 PM
Letter to My Mother
on Mar 22 2013 11:35 AM
Who to blame?
on Mar 19 2013 04:47 PM
on Mar 17 2013 10:26 AM
My parents' lack of courage, & part of my story, & a letter to my mother
on Mar 16 2013 04:30 PM