Jump to content

This Earth Will Hold You


Self care day

Posted by turnip , 27 March 2013 · 33 views

Today I just need to rest. It is a blessing to be able to and it is what my body is screaming for. This pain used to be the norm but now it isn't and days like today I get to lay low, follow whatever can bring me pleasure or joy and take it easy.

The hardest part is feeling ok about doing things that also hurt me in some ways. For instance, playing v...


Letter to My Mother

Posted by turnip , 22 March 2013 · 55 views

13:12 - 081/365

I am so angry at you. I am so fucking angry at your. How can you have his photo in your drawer? (That's where it they put his photos when I visit; I appreciate that they do it - it's one of the few things I've asked for and they have been good about it. I found it by accident.) How can you know his children and send them birth...


Who to blame?

Posted by turnip , 19 March 2013 · 41 views

18:49 - 078/365

My boyfriend says I need to forgive my little self. We had this conversation months ago about how that's something deep down that causes so many problems. I don't remember now what I felt strongly when we had that convo.

But he helps remind me. How I don't forgive my little self for being socially awkward...or anything. How I...



Posted by turnip , 17 March 2013 · 26 views

It is so hard to live without, and it makes life so. much. easier, even if it is only five minutes squished between panic and mosquito bites before it is gone again.


My parents' lack of courage, & part of my story, & a letter to my mother

Posted by turnip , 16 March 2013 · 62 views

I'm trying to write 500+ words a day for a week. I almost always have a list of things to do every day to help keep me stable. This week it is stretching, drawing, getting out of the house and writing.

During a particularly logical day I had a few weeks ago, I was analyzing how my parents reacted to the CSA. I was three when they found out about it b...


From: Triggered by Bodily Fluids

Posted by turnip , 16 March 2013 · 15 views

Anyone else triggered by bodily fluids in general? Some things just make me queasy in what I feel is a normal way, but if I am already on edge the images/thoughts can become obsessive and invasive.

I feel embarrassed talking about it. :shy:/> Like, when there's something gross in the toilet or on the sidewalk the image of it can get locke...


From: DISCUSSION TOPIC: Your experiences with inpatient psychiatric care

Posted by turnip , 14 March 2013 · 23 views

I guess I have a lot to say about this. I've only been hospitalized once and overall it was a positive, important experience for me.

I checked myself into a hospital 3 years ago. I was living alone and after an exhausting, social weekend I just couldn't do it anymore. They gave me Ambien and kept me in the ER for a night and then released me with...


Fuck this shit.

Posted by turnip , 13 March 2013 · 15 views

Fuck it. I fucking hate having to be in a state of panic for hours and hours and hours. Is it because I ate wheat? Is it that I've been eating too much sugar? Not enough exercise? I have been *so good* the past week and a half and yet here I am a mess and I fucking hate it.

I want my life back, dammit. Not that I ever had it, I guess. I mean, what am...


From: Anxiety won't let go

Posted by turnip , 13 March 2013 · 15 views

That's a great point, Astrid. Guilt leads to a lot of anxiety for me, too. Guilt means I did something wrong and doing something wrong means that I'm not good/safe/ok.

I find guilt is a hard one to root out. Telling myself over and over that it isn't my fault rarely gets rid of the "dirty" feeling.

Source: Anxiety won't let go


From: What response do you want/what do you want to hear

Posted by turnip , 13 March 2013 · 20 views

This is a great topic.

Validation is big for me. Lots of days I still don't "believe" I was abused. There are things about my story that make me feel like I should doubt myself (no memories, stable family, didn't grow up in fear, to name a few).

I want to hear that you believe what happened hurt me, that I'm not just making a big dea...

March 2013


Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.