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JacquiLeigh's Blog



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Losing myself, and losing him.

Posted by JacquiLeigh , 01 October 2011 · 19 views

Something in me is causing me to be emotionless except for the deep urge to fight everything and everyone. It's definitely not the first time I've noticed this change in myself. Since I was in late Elementary school I've always had some sort of boyfriend, constantly seeking approval.

There's no time frame on it, but this has happened in...


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If it's not one thing, it's another.

Posted by JacquiLeigh , 12 September 2011 · 18 views

It seems like I don't get a break in my life. It doesn't seem like I've gotten a break from bad or horribly stressful things happening for a long while.

Let's see, so the fragments that I'm now starting to remember of my childhood being abused and experincing CSA are where it starts.

Then we jump to my first clear memory of 14 year...


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SO proud of myself!

Posted by JacquiLeigh , 02 September 2011 · 20 views

Today started like any other day. I had no idea by the time the sun was setting I'd be moving my stuff to a new house.

Before, I was living in a mold-ridden house that was occupied by possibly the ruddest, most degrading people. Unfortunately one of those people is my mother. I was beginning to feel trapped just as I have in previous situations. I wa...


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In shock

Posted by JacquiLeigh , 01 September 2011 · 20 views

Wow, I think I'm falling into some sort of disbelief or something. Like an acoholic in denial. I know that I've already allowed myself to admit the things that happened to me in a safe way. I know that I can't ignore it.

So why do I feel suddenly shocked and taken aback by the thought that I AM IN THIS. This is really what happened, but it...


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Lighters

Posted by JacquiLeigh , 29 August 2011 · 19 views

"You and I know what it's like to be kicked down
Forced to fight
But tonight we're alright
So hold up your lights
Let it shine
Cause this one's for you and me, living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
With my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters"

It...


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Piece by piece

Posted by JacquiLeigh , 27 August 2011 · 19 views

Slowly, through probably the worst proccesses ever, the pieces are coming back. Empty spots are now starting to fill with the memories that were never supposed to be remembered.

I keep expecting to forget them again. Having a memory that spans more than 8 years of my life is a weird feeling. It doesn't seem like they're going to stay around for...


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Alone/depressed/scared/confused

Posted by JacquiLeigh , 21 August 2011 · 20 views

Alone -

I know I'm not actually alone. I have my wonderful boyfriend, but I can't have him around 24/7. I know I have you guys here at Pandy's, but sometimes I feel like I'm typing into nothingness. I have my counselor, but my phone won't work so I can't call her. And now my last resort is to wait 3 hours for a RAINN person to be...


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I hate that I can't control it.

Posted by JacquiLeigh , 21 August 2011 · 19 views

I know there's a lot of pent up emotions in my head that I have a hard time letting out. It's not fair, though, when I put in so much effort and it still has no effect. Yesterday I tried and tried to cry, just to relieve some of what I knew was weighing on me. I had absolutely zero success. Two hours or so later, I just exploded at my boyfriend fo...






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