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They STOLE my childhood away.

Posted by JacquiLeigh , 04 October 2011 · 83 views

I lost my childhood. I never had a choice. It was taken from me.

As far as I know it started when I was about 9 months old. The sick part is that the only family video I have has the first glimpses of it. Him getting aroused watching me play.

He tried hard to hide it from the camera, that I know. But what I also know is what my mom told me what he didn't hide OFF camera.

I'm 22 and she is just now saying something about it all. Not to anyone who can do anything about it, no... she just tells ME. I feel like I have a right to be angry at her for not even trying to stop it.

She doesn't know about my uncle though, atleast I HOPE she doesn't know. If she kept that a secret too I don't think I could handle that. He was worse than my dad I think in some ways.

Atleast, that's according to what I can remember so far. It feels weird finally piecing together my childhood after the fact. It has been such a normal feeling not remembering from birth to 14 years old. But now there's a few puzzle pieces that I'd rather not have.

I was a child. I was forced to think and act like an adult. No wonder I always felt like I saw things differently. I didn't feel like a kid, never played like a kid. I played, but it was never carefree. Not like a child.

But still we all upheld the public image that we were a wholesome Christian family. Smile in public, and what happens behind closed doors didn't exist.

What scares me the most is wondering if my brother escaped these damaging perils. I hope. He never acted like I did growing up. He never acted "different". Even now he knows I'm trying to seek help for something that really messed me up, but he doesn't seem to relate at all. I hope he can't. I don't want that for him, I hope he escaped our family without this burden.



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