Can you imagine...?
Can you imagine what it is...
...to feel utterly alone while standing in a room full of people?
...to always feel like you're on the outside looking in?
...to feel as though you have absolutely nothing in common with anyone else?
...to wake up every morning feeling just as exhausted as you did when you went to bed?
...to force yourself to get out of bed every morning?
...to see taking basic care of yourself as a chore and have to force yourself to even brush your teeth in the morning?
...to have zero self confidence and constantly second guess yourself?
...to feel a though everyone is always judging you?
...to feel as though you have to hide from everyone and everything?
...to wear a mask every day of your life?
...to never know how you feel or have the words to describe it?
...to carry a dark secret within you all the time?
...to be terrified of others finding out the truth?
...to have your entire childhood covered in a haze that prevents you from remembering things clearly?
...to wonder what it is that you've forgotten?
...to be a little girl and be left to deal with the aftermath on your own?
...to know that no one could ever possibly understand?
...to know that if anyone knew the real you they'd be disgusted?
...to feel disgusted by your own body?
...to hate your sexuality, being a woman, and anything having to do with private parts?
...to look in the mirror and hate what you see?
...to feel like your heart is going to beat right out of your chest when those around you discuss sexual assault or make rape jokes and to have to pretend that you're fine?
...to be so terrified of intimacy that you panic at the thought of it?
...to believe that there is something inherently wrong with you?
...to be so consumed by shame and embarrassment that you can't speak?
...to believe that is was your fault even though you know it wasn't?
...to want to disappear?
Can you imagine what it is... to be me?