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This morning my t was trying to explain to me that my coping mechanisms are skewed and that we need to work together to come up with healthier ones. In order to assure me that I shouldn't feel bad about that and that they have served their purpose, she told me that that they are completely normal for someone who has been abused, but she didn't stop there. She said, "...when people have been abused and neglected, and you have been both,..." That sort of surprised me. I've never thought of my parents as neglectful. Emotionally distant, yes. But she made a point of telling me I had definitely been neglected growing up. I don't know what to think about that. I suppose I've always thought of neglect as being deprived of physical things, which I never was. I always had everything I needed, I never wanted for anything. I guess there is another kind of neglect as well? "Emotionally neglected" was the phrase she used. My emotions and feelings were ignored and invalidated. I would agree with that. So why am I having such a hard time accepting the word "neglect"?
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2 Comments On This Entry
I think that sometimes for me it's just that I can only deal with one thing at a time. It was so hard for me to see my parents as something bad because I already had enough bad in my life. Now that I have made peace, so to speak, with some of the bad things, everything that my parents put me through has come to the surface. Until now, I don't think I could have faced that part of my past. I still wonder. I am wishing for the best for you in your healing...
makingitthrough,
26 August 2012 - 10:45 AM
I know exactly what you mean as I had the same reaction when my therapist said the same thing. If any-thing, I have always had more than what I needed, but I never had the parental support I wanted. Emotional neglect is a very real thing, though it makes sense to fight the notion that you may have suffered this type of abuse from your parents. When you think of neglect as one term and realise it applies in more situations than you gave space for, the first reaction is to fight that idea be-cause too scary to accept something that awful also exists. It'll take time to get adjusted to feeling like your parents didn't meet your emotional needs. Take good care of your-self.
stealing_wonderland,
26 August 2012 - 06:09 PM
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