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I feel stuck. I feel like there is no light at the end of a very long tunnel. I feel abnormal, but not in a good way. Mostly I feel fed up and tired.
I put on a good act most of the time, but I really want to scream at the top of my lungs. I have no idea what I'd scream, but whatever... I'm sick of people treating me like an idiot at work. I'm not an idiot.
I'm tired of feeling like a freak. I've never felt normal. I feel way too damaged for the mild abuse I suffered. I wonder if I'm this messed up because of the age I was when it happened or because it was swept under the rug or both... I just know there are people out there who have been through much worse and still seem to be a whole person instead of this partial person that I am. There are aspects of life that I completely ignore and shut out. I am not a whole person. Part of me is dead.
I'm tired of pretending.
I wonder if this means my meds are no longer working for me? Not that I intend to do anything about it, that would require finding a new doctor. Yuck.
I put on a good act most of the time, but I really want to scream at the top of my lungs. I have no idea what I'd scream, but whatever... I'm sick of people treating me like an idiot at work. I'm not an idiot.
I'm tired of feeling like a freak. I've never felt normal. I feel way too damaged for the mild abuse I suffered. I wonder if I'm this messed up because of the age I was when it happened or because it was swept under the rug or both... I just know there are people out there who have been through much worse and still seem to be a whole person instead of this partial person that I am. There are aspects of life that I completely ignore and shut out. I am not a whole person. Part of me is dead.
I'm tired of pretending.
I wonder if this means my meds are no longer working for me? Not that I intend to do anything about it, that would require finding a new doctor. Yuck.
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GuitarHero likes this
1 Comments On This Entry
I'm sorry Guitar for what you're going through. I too have often felt trapped in that long tunnel of darkness, but remember that while sometimes we have to walk really far to find that light, it IS there at the end just waiting to be discovered.
Irishleo,
06 July 2012 - 06:34 PM
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