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Everything annoys me. Everything. Things at work are tense and uncomfortable. I dread going there. My trainer is pissing me off. I used to find her funny, now I just want to slap her. She gave me so much attitude the other night and it was all I could do to just keep my mouth shut. Although, I did scoff and say "whatever." Yesterday she told me I was right about the situation she was giving me shit for. Never actually apologized, but did admit she was wrong. That helped. I can't figure out if I've got a valid reason to be pissed off all the time or if it's me... When my depression was at its worst, I was angry at everyone and everything. I feel like I'm heading that way again.
I'm tired of being on probation.. I want to be done with training so I can be on my own. I'm tired of having someone watch and comment on my every move. I'm self-conscious enough as it is. My trainer, S, made a comment yesterday, I think she was kidding, but it bugged me. The two of us seem to get into trouble with the higher-ups often. No fault of our own, they are just anal and ridiculous. The two of us are also not the types to just sit there and say nothing, so... maybe that makes us look like we have bad attitudes? I feel like I have a bad attitude, but that I keep it to myself 99% of the time. Maybe I'm not as successful as I think? I hate my office. My job is ok, but my office is a nightmare. I've never worked in such an uncomfortable and hostile environment. I want out. I can't afford to quit. There aren't a lot of jobs in this field available and when they do post an opening, there are a ton of people that apply for the same position. I beat out about 200 people to get this job, I can't just quit. But I'm miserable.
Shit. Maybe I'm just hormonal. I'm tired and I have a fucking headache. All I want to do is sleep. Fuck my life.