Pandora's Aquarium: Word Salad - Pandora's Aquarium

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Posted by GuitarHero  
My T asked me this last week and I wasn't able to answer her. She wanted me to use my voice so she wouldn't let me write it down. I just sat there. I don't know why it's so difficult to speak out loud. Anyway, here's what I came up with today...


Why don’t you like yourself? What don’t you like about yourself?

[u]Let’s...
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Am I ok with being "blah"?

26 October 2012
Posted by GuitarHero  
My T asked me to think about whether or not I want to change some aspect of myself or if I'm ok with feeling "blah" about things... I don't think she actually used the word "blah" but yea..


My parents are not emotional people. Neither one of them really gets excited about things. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard...
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Can you imagine...?

06 October 2012
Posted by GuitarHero  
Took this idea from one of the threads in the challenging discussions forum.

Can you imagine what it is...

...to feel utterly alone while standing in a room full of people?
...to always feel like you're on the outside looking in?
...to feel as though you have absolutely nothing in common with anyone else?
...to wake up every morning feeling...
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What have I forgotten?

03 October 2012
Posted by GuitarHero  
I've been thinking about the idea that I may have dissociated a bit as a child...  I'm confused by it and it kind of creeps me out too.  I don't understand why I would remember specific "bad" things and then not remember seemingly benign things.  One would think the purpose of dissociation is to block out the bad stuff.  So...
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Posted by GuitarHero  
My t told me today that she thinks I may have dissociated as a child. There's a huge part of me that is fighting to disagree with that assessment. I was hoping that the lack of clarity surrounding my childhood was within the normal range of variation among people. On the other hand, I think she may be right. :( Over the years I've...
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A loss for words

21 September 2012
Posted by GuitarHero  
I keep writing stuff and deleting it... I've been finding it really difficult to find the words to describe how I've been feeling as of late. I'm not even sure I know or understand how I feel anymore. Sometimes I feel like I have something important that I want or need to say, but I haven't got a clue what it is. It sort of...
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neglected child?

25 August 2012
Posted by GuitarHero  
This morning my t was trying to explain to me that my coping mechanisms are skewed and that we need to work together to come up with healthier ones. In order to assure me that I shouldn't feel bad about that and that they have served their purpose, she told me that that they are completely normal for someone who has been abused, but she...
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Posted by GuitarHero  
I have no more fight left in me. I've been stomped on too many times to pick myself back up again. When I need someone to stand up for me, everyone sits mute. I think I've cried more in the last month than I have my whole life. I'm tired. I just want it all to stop.

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Full of hate

10 August 2012
Posted by GuitarHero  
There's been so much crap going on lately. I'm tired. I hate everything about my life. I hate where I live. I hate where I work. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate how my roommate/best friend keeps blaming me for her unhappiness. I hate that my adorable bunny died earlier this week. I hate that my other bunny is...
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Ignorant comment

10 August 2012
Posted by GuitarHero  
I've been going to a training class for work all week. Today we were discussing sexual assault and the possible types of evidence you can get from different victims. My instructor likes to hear himself talk and he was always telling "war stories" from his career. He said...

"I've had cases where a female adult has been...
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