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Clemsta's Blog



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Trying so hard to keep on the rails.

Posted by Clemsta , 23 August 2013 · 146 views

Feeling like everything is out of my control.
Feeling like I'm rowing without a paddle.
Just want to find a rock and crawl under it.
Just want to hide from everyone.
Can't be arsed with the pretending.
Can't be arsed with the same old shit everyday.
Trying so hard to not self harm, and its taking all of my energy.
Trying to be brave.
So fed up...


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so much has happened...

Posted by Clemsta , 22 August 2013 · 131 views

My life so far has been pretty much a disaster.
Abused as a child... by a woman...
As a teen groomed by a teacher for 4/5years...
Constantly having old men trying it on with me, getting me into situations I'm stuck in.
In an emotionally abusive relationship for over a year...
Relationship with a gambler who cheated on me.
In and out of counselling si...


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Been so long...

Posted by Clemsta , 22 August 2013 · 82 views

It's been so long, why can't I move on?
So many images in my head, haunting me while I'm trying to sleep in my bed.
So many fears, so many insecurities seeping out in the form of tears.
Use to be so good at pushing it all down, so good at not complaining and not making a sound.
Quick to anger.
Irrational.
Upset.
Wish it didn't bother me ev...


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Your face

Posted by Clemsta , 07 October 2012 · 85 views

Still there, still making a appearance in my dreams.
Still throwing me off track when it all seems to go well.
Reminding it all happened.
I KNOW IT DID.
Hence I can't settle down or go near another man.
Hence I trust no one.
Think its time you fucked off.
Sick of this shit, over and over again.


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What's wrong with the world? (sorry if triggers)

Posted by Clemsta , 02 September 2011 · 80 views

WORLD IS A MESS
So fed up of hearing about child abusers and rapists everyday on the radio.
People corrupting and hurting innocent children... why can't people just leave them alone???

GROOMING, ABUSING AND RUINING LIVES

Just heard a story about a police man being sent to jail for possessing 54,000 indecent images and videos of children and h...


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Such a mess...

Posted by Clemsta , 31 August 2011 · 62 views

I'm a mess, feel like I'm falling apart...
I should be happy and looking forward and moving forward with my life, I got into University for goodness sake!!! After so much effort and an extra year of trying!

Felt like things where getting better... me and the bf all good, the dreams where at bay... then two weeks later it all fal...


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HOW DARE YOU

Posted by Clemsta , 28 July 2011 · 78 views

How fucking dare you tell a little 16 year old what happened to me.
A 16 year old girl who you barely know,
Your 27 FFS, you shouldn't be texting some little girl at all, saying how rough stuff is and fuel her obvious crush on you.
Clearly you love the attention and affection.
HOW DARE YOU, what happened to me isn't something to go shouting around...


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WHY WHY WHY

Posted by Clemsta , 26 July 2011 · 50 views

He's still here, thought he'd moved away, far away from me. But he's HERE...

Now I'm looking over my shoulder expecting him to be watching me with those brown eyes that use to watch me everyday...

Part of me wants to find you and fall into your arms, but only because you programmed me to... like a computer programme you downloaded what...


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I want to...

Posted by Clemsta , 22 July 2011 · 49 views

I want to
Take his eyes out
for looking at me
Yes I do
I want to take his hands off
for touching me
Yes I do

And I want to rip his heart out
for hurting me
And I want to break his mind down
Yes I do

And I want to make him regret
life since the day he met me
Yes I do
And I want to make him take back
All that he took from me
Yes I do


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Just smile

Posted by Clemsta , 20 July 2011 · 51 views

Just smile,
keep smiling for everyone else's benefit,
just smile even if you feel like screaming and tearing your hair out,
don't want them to know how deeply it hurts,
just smile and hold the mask in place,
they can't know that everyday is a struggle,
just smile and keep them believing your fine,
one day the smile will be real. One day...






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