i know it makes me feel better
i know i like how it feels after
the wave of calm along with the stinging and blood
the sense of everything being back in the right places
control, back in control
but then i get the looks and the questions...
is it worth it?
penetrating the skin... going against to norms and values of this society
they question your sanity... I've never had any anyway...
they've labelled me this that and whatever....
so they expect me to behave in certain ways
because clearly i cannot function in society because at the end of the day i'm nothing more than just some fucked up girl with a shitty history of abuse and depression...
No, I'll do what i always do, pretend I'm fine.
Smile at the right times, laugh and fit in.
Then when alone let the darkness swallow me.
Give in to urges.
Remember all the times life failed me.
Its so much easier to be depressed than fight the darkness.
Its so much easier to let it win and monopolize my feelings and my day.