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Clemsta's Blog


Worst week of my life in a very long time...

Posted by Clemsta , 28 February 2015 · 20 views

Well... its all kicked of this week, and i don't know what to do.
Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.
Things had started to feel like they were settling down. Life was back on track...
or so i thought.
I'm failing my Uni course, my landlord is suddenly telling me i have to get rid of my kitten and my hedgehog. 
so I've been trying to think...


Can't stop asking "why?"

Posted by Clemsta , 19 August 2014 · 106 views

Why would and how can anyone look at a innocent child and think horrid thoughts...
and then why would they act on them?
Damaging and scaring that innocence, smearing with darkness.
Why? When i see a child i want to protect them from all impure thoughts.
It sickens me to my core, all the stories of abuse on TV, in the papers.
Then the big quest...



Posted by Clemsta , 27 May 2014 · 56 views

Life... trucking along
Getting my exams done
getting in the right direction
so i can actually go somewhere in my life, can't sit around doing sod all with my life with my head being cruel and getting me down.
everyday is a struggle, but the uphill struggle is bearable at the moment
just a matter of time before i fall backwards
but for now... i shall strug...


fight this?

Posted by Clemsta , 17 April 2014 · 78 views

i know it makes me feel better
i know i like how it feels after
the wave of calm along with the stinging and blood
the sense of everything being back in the right places
control, back in control
but then i get the looks and the questions...
is it worth it?
penetrating the skin... going against to norms and values of this society
they question y...



Posted by Clemsta , 12 April 2014 · 116 views

This is exactly what I didn't want
I didn't want to feel pressure or guilt.
I don't want to talk about it.
so stop making me feel like i should!
I honestly right now can't be dealing with all this.
I'm fed up of him using the abuse against us all.
I've had more shit than you, i wasn't just abused by her, but i was raped and I...


pretend... its not always a bad thing... i think

Posted by Clemsta , 05 April 2014 · 72 views

So me me and K are working things out... we broke up for a month, needed some space.
Get our heads sorted. Things aren't exactly the same but maybe it'll take some time... 
I don't want to to start therapy again... new or old therapist. 
I like pretending nothings happened to me. I like not having to talk about things, or bring up the past. I ha...


why won't it just all go away... help me.

Posted by Clemsta , 24 January 2014 · 123 views

I am spiraling and spiraling downwards...
My bf left me last night. My past is haunting me worse than ever...
Him... her... that night... that day... those events.
All these flash backs
I can feel it and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Thoughts getting darker and darker...
Feeling more and more down...
Crying and crying...
Feeling mor...


alone again... naturally

Posted by Clemsta , 16 January 2014 · 171 views

So... getting a little fed up
I've had so many therapists its silly.
Mainly because I always seem to get help and then they leave.
Anyways, I took and over dose last April, and even after that no one would help me.
No wonder i feel alone...
Get some help, which i have to pay for, but then she's being pretty unhelpful.
Making it all about her...


The mask is slipping

Posted by Clemsta , 16 November 2013 · 207 views

The mask use to be so easy to keep in place, a fake smile and twinkling eyes,
only one knew the reality, but then he turned out to be nothing more than evil in disguise.
Lured me in with his soft brown eyes, his boyish grin and gentle demeanor.
I could talk to him about my self harm and about anything i wanted, without judgement, but all the while with a...


its all going wrong again... going to pieces

Posted by Clemsta , 08 November 2013 · 147 views

Its all going so so so wrong.
with my brothers diagnosis of psychosis... and he's remembering.
i knew it wouldnt stay dead forever.
i tried to push it away and now its come up and is going to hit the fan
so not only have i got my own abuse to deal with... 
ive now got to face the abuser who hurt me... and my brother
it had been forgotten, pushed down...

March 2015

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