Unlocking the doctor mystery!
Then the panic about the appointment stopped and I had a bit of a crash. Went for a hike with my family yesterday morning and when we got back I went back to bed and didn't leave my bed the rest of the day/night. Couldn't shake the DEEP sadness feeling. This morning I realized why I was so sad. Knowing that I had persistant urinary infections and genital inflammation to a point of enduring a medical procedure to "fix" me I felt was "proof" that the abuse began when I was quite young. But I was secretly holding out hope that "maybe those problems were not related to the abuse". When the little girl spoke up (or rose up in me) with her fears of letting the secret out to the doctor, I realized there was no denying the abuse was the cause of those medical problems.
This left me sad because it makes it clear the abuse lasted from early childhood all the way through 12 to 13 years old.