I had another talk with my father and I finally began to see a glimmer of hope. I think it is really beginning to sink in to him the effects and the severity of the abuse. He is finally beginning to understand that there is NO SUCH THING as a consenting 12 year old child. (Yes, he actually justified what he saw by convincing himself I was consenting to sex with my 16 year old brother!) He is finally beginning to understand why I can't just "LET IT GO" after 30 years. I am helping him understand that beside the trauma of the abuse itself, I was deeply damaged by feeling abandoned as that 12 year child when nothing was done to help me or deal with anything.
I am still struggling a bit because all though he was saying all the right words, I still can't let go of the hurt and anger both at his actions 30 years ago and his actions recently.
I want my family to heal...I just don't know how I am supposed to let go of the hurt!