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Posted by IAtethecookie  
The nightmares won't stop now.

I've had a hellish month. I had to start taking care of my grandmother 24/7. All while taking statistics and trying to be there for my mom. I was running on little sleep, even less food, and no "me" time. Yes, I made jewelry, but that was so I could start up a business so I could take care of...
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Posted by IAtethecookie  
I wish I was invisible. That way, I wouldn't cause pain, or have anything painful done to me. I could just be myself.


I'm tired of hiding inside of myself. Inside my head, genitals,or my own throat. I'm exhausted from just pulling myself together. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am at the end of my rope,...
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Ugh..

25 October 2011
Posted by IAtethecookie  
I wonder how long it will take me to realize that I am inside my body and no one else has a right here but ME.

My fibro flared up, and it took me so long to realize it that my brain is in fibro fog. i feel so stupid. I'm scared of being around men, I feed their look..their touch.

Even my own boyfriend's. I don't want to be touched...
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Posted by IAtethecookie  
I've been having moments where I blank out. Not "This is fun I am going to do this until I faint" blank out, but "I am scared, what is he going to do to me?" blank out. I am not able to tell my mom that I fear my stepdad. He's never done anything wrong to me, but I am just so blooming SCARED of him. I've been having...
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Posted by IAtethecookie  
I remember seeing the fifth season of Dexter, and let me tell you, it caused me to pick up a term that just popped back into my head: Dark traveler. I believe it is a nicer way to say "I have issues".

The only problem is that my dark passengers are so many(I think?) that there is no room for me to drive. Which describes my life...
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Tags: trigger, rant, chocolate

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Posted by IAtethecookie  
Despite good things happening, I am not able to fully enjoy them. The reason? A heavy dose of mistrust of everyone. No one protected me when I was a child, so I tend to just wait for someone to violate me even further. This goes against my deep need to be loved and accepted. What to do?!

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What should I do?

18 July 2011
Posted by IAtethecookie  
I have moments where something will flash in my mind, and I am all like "wtf is that?!". Well, today I took a nap because my cat just looked so cute and well, I joined him.

when I woke up, however, I felt as if I wasn't where I should be. What I mean is that I began to have a flashbaack about my childhood. I opened my eyes, but...
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Posted by IAtethecookie  
I'm so tired. I've never been this emotionally drained in my life.

I'm not hungry, not thirsty(anymore), and I really don't feel like doing anything fun. I just want to pull in and just alienate myself from people. I'm just so danged scared of being hurt again. Of being told "I'm here for you" and then the rug...
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