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I've never written a blog before so I'm not entirely sure how they work. I'm hoping to start writing about some of the things that are bothering me in the hope that I can sleep better and just generally feel better.
i've been pretty anixous lately. Grad on saturday was awesome and I'm proud that I got through the last two years because they were far from easy. I guess I'm just worrying about things in general. I always said that once I finished college I would go back to counselling but I always seem to screw it up. I hate getting close to someone professional cause you can't always stay in touch with them. I really trusted the college counceller I used to see, but he was forced into retirement. I always wanted to ask him if I could stay in touch but I didn't want to get him into trouble. I guess I don't want to open myself up to getting hurt again. Some counsellers are so shit. I've had them laugh at me, yell at me for hurting myself, tell me I'm a walking target and I let people hurt me.... I don't wanna feel worse. I know that sometimes you have to feel worse to feel better but I don't wanna be judged and told off. If I end up self harming again I don't want to be told off and told that I'm selfish. i wanna be understood.
I guess I'll stop there cause I really have to go to bed. Start work tomorrow and its gonna be hard enough to do a 11hour shift without serious lack of sleep to go with it.
i've been pretty anixous lately. Grad on saturday was awesome and I'm proud that I got through the last two years because they were far from easy. I guess I'm just worrying about things in general. I always said that once I finished college I would go back to counselling but I always seem to screw it up. I hate getting close to someone professional cause you can't always stay in touch with them. I really trusted the college counceller I used to see, but he was forced into retirement. I always wanted to ask him if I could stay in touch but I didn't want to get him into trouble. I guess I don't want to open myself up to getting hurt again. Some counsellers are so shit. I've had them laugh at me, yell at me for hurting myself, tell me I'm a walking target and I let people hurt me.... I don't wanna feel worse. I know that sometimes you have to feel worse to feel better but I don't wanna be judged and told off. If I end up self harming again I don't want to be told off and told that I'm selfish. i wanna be understood.
I guess I'll stop there cause I really have to go to bed. Start work tomorrow and its gonna be hard enough to do a 11hour shift without serious lack of sleep to go with it.
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